"Why Not Adopt a Kid from the U.S.?"

This has been a question that others have asked us multiple times over the last 7 years ever since we began the adoption process for Mekonen.... so why adopt from another country? Why not adopt from here? And this time around, when we announced we are adopting from Africa again, we got the question several times. For our second adoption, the choice of where to adopt from holds an entirely new set of things to take into consideration given our current family make-up.

We have asked ourselves this question too. Why not adopt from here?

This blog post will only barely touch the surface of all that could be said on the subject, so please here our words for what they are and realize that there is a whole lot more to this than what is written here. I'm being completely serious when I say that I have read thousands upon thousands of real, legitimate adoption research and trust me when I say, adoptive families do not take their choices in the adoption process lightly, and that includes which process to go with- domestic or international. 

1. Kids are kids. When it comes down to it, kids are kids, whether here in the U.S. or in another country. At some point it can't be a country versus country thing, and instead there needs to be simply a recognition that kids belong in families- that includes "U.S." kids and kids from other countries. Personally, God has given Jon and I a heart for the global orphan crisis, not just the local orphan crisis. And, when it comes down to it, it's kids needing a mom and a dad. That's it. Kids in families. That's what matters!

2. Different process. Different circumstances. The adoption process for domestic adoption and the process for international adoption varies drastically. If someone is not well versed in the adoption world, they might not realize this. There are so many things families have to work through and consider when choosing which adoption avenue to pursue, especially a second time around when there are already children in the home, and even more so when any of those current children are also adopted. Things like birth order, gender order, family dynamics, personalities, age of the child when adopted, life situation of the family, adoption history, etc. that families must discuss and must decide on. Some of the above circumstances don't fit well with domestic adoption and some of the above circumstances don't fit well with international adoption. I could provide illustration after illustration, but it would take far too long for this post! 

3. Current Family Dynamics. This goes along with number 2 above. Many, no not all, but many domestic adoptions have some form of openness to them; and many, no not all, international adoptions have more of a closed way about them. This needs to be taken into consideration if there is already an adopted child in the home. If you had two children in your home, both of which were adopted, and both had drastically different adoptive upbringings regarding their birth families, this could cause issues. For every family? No. For every child? No. But we know our children, and we do know the kinds of situations they would handle well. As open as we are about adoption, we don't share everything publicly, so you just gotta trust that we know our kids and know what they need. 

4. Desire. Among many things in adoption, desire is huge. The motivation to adopt should never be to "save" or "rescue" a child. A child deserves, needs, and longs to be WANTED. To be desired. To be pursued with everything you have. They are to be desired simply because they are who they are. With that, also comes desire, or interest in, where your child comes from. God has given some people the burning desire to care for kids needing families here in our backyard in the United States, and God has given some people the burning desire to care for kids needing families that reside in other countries. There is nothing wrong with either of these. Again, kids are kids. And ALL kids deserve a family. For us, we both grew up with a global mindset, with families and churches who had their eyes on the world outside their backyard. For as long as I can remember, my heart has been drawn to people and circumstances outside the U.S. Although there are many similarities, the circumstances that bring international children to adoption and the circumstances that bring U.S. children to adoption are very different. Our hearts are burdened for the very specific circumstances in the developing world that bring children to a place of needing adoption. 

5. Need. Although the similarity of kids needing families exists in domestic adoption and international adoption, there is also the very real truth that not all children in other countries even get a shot at a family, unless it's through international adoption. This is due to the very hard truth that many of these children are coming from places where domestic adoption does not even exist, or it exists in such small numbers that it's not even really practiced, or there are places where the orphan is the most looked down upon member of society and socially they are outcasted, even among their own culture. Is that something that needs to change internationally? Absolutely!!! And we are right now, beginning to connect ourselves to people and organizations who are attempting this very thing, because long-term, those are the kinds of issues we want to be part of and want to help change. But changing the way society views orphans and adoption is a very slow and painful process. And in the meantime, there are children growing up undercared for, unprotected, and unloved. We simply cannot ignore them until "someone changes their country's views on domestic adoption and orphans." Trust me. I've read the research. I've read the stories of the agencies and organizations trying to do this very thing, and it is incredibly difficult. And on top of that, is the fact that not all places have vast numbers of people financially able to care for more children. 

And, may I kindly sandwich another point in here? Although most of the time when people ask the question, "Why not adopt a kid from the U.S.?" they are asking to truly hear our hearts and our story and how we ventured into the world of international adoption; there have been several who have asked this in such a negative, critical tone. But what I find most "interesting" is that almost every single time, the person criticizing our location choice of adoption and saying we should care about "U.S. kids" first has not adopted domestically themselves, and is currently not involved in ANYTHING having to do with the local orphan crisis. The strategy of "where, when, and how," can and should be discussed. But it always comes back to simply doing something. And if you aren't doing something beside criticizing, it's best to just not say anything at all. 

Personally, we have knocked on more doors than anyone in our life knows of and will continue to do so. In fact, some of you might drop dead at the things we've considered, so let's just say, be glad the upstairs of our schoolhouse is still not finished! So please remember, there is always more going on behind the scenes of people's lives, and behind the choices people are making for their families than you see in public and through social media. 

We see our home like a revolving door for various avenues of orphan care when the time is right - US adoption, foster care, Safe Families, international adoption, non-US domestic adoption advocacy, non-adoption oriented countries child development. The issues are many and vast - here or there.
We are currently adopting from another African country for reasons specific to our family situation now and long-term. Considerations like birth order, gender, development stage, personalities, adoption history, special needs, etc all play a part. Some of those things we will gladly share with you, and some of those things will stay within the walls of our home. 

The tension between what is and what should be is constant and difficult, especially regarding children. But what we must come back to again and again is that KIDS are what matter, whether here, or there. God dwells with and weeps over the child here and the child in China without a home. What we must always come back to is simply doing something.

Navigating Transracial Adoption

Life the last several months has been PACKED FULL and my brain is about to explode with all the things I want to write, should have written, and need to still write! Writing is my outlet. It's the way I process, the way I grow, the way I heal, the way I learn. To know we've started the adoption process again and that I haven't blogged about it shows just how time crunched life is right now! Ahhh!!! How have I not been able to write!!!!! Well, here I am. Writing. And really, I should be writing my thesis. But I can't move on with that until I get this out of my head, because here I sit, in a cubicle in the library, crying, as I read about transracial adoption and the heavy weight I feel as the parent of a transracially adopted son, and soon to be another son! Good thing this will only take a few minutes. When I'm passionate, I write like a crazy person, and I type 97 words per minute. I'm giving myself fifteen minutes. Ready, go.

So the short of it- We have begun the adoption process for another boy, this time, from Burundi, Africa! Burundi is an east African country that actually isn't too far from Ethiopia. This time around we are adopting an "older child," a boy between Mekonen and Evie, which at this points lands us with a 5 year old. We are so excited we just might bust. Especially Mekonen! He is super stoked to have a brother that "matches him" as he calls it.

I'm here at the library today for several hours working on my graduate thesis. I will finish this thing if it kills me. (Finish it- as I sit here blogging. But if you know me well, you will fully understand how if something is heavy on my heart I must write before I can put my mind to writing work in another realm). My thesis is on adopting across racial lines which therefore has me reading hundreds and hundreds of pages on adoption, race, racial awareness, racial identity, and the list goes on. It's fascinating. If I have to get stuck writing a 200 page paper it might as well be about something I'm passionate about right? But academic journals and professionals can sometimes panic me as I read all these things about transracially adopted children and their identity, I start to panic and fear I'm screwing up my children for life.

There are so many "hurdles" adopted children need to jump over at various points in their life and I often panic that I'm not going to get it right, that I won't prepare them well, that I'm going to fail miserably in parenting our sons to be confident in their past, their stories, their adoption, themselves, who they are, etc. There's much to be said about the research and the various talks I've heard from adult transracial adoptees. I would say, overall, I agree with them wholeheartedly about providing your children with positive role models that look like them, providing them with friends and social settings where there are people that look like them, and giving them a strong "education" in their birth country and heritage, helping them learn to navigate race, and being careful not to place them in constant settings where they are the ONLY one who looks different. We continue to evaluate these areas and try our best to navigate them well with the things we choose for our family. This is another reason why we chose another African country for our second adoption. So that Mekonen can walk life with a brother who looks like him.

In the adoption world, it's all about identity. Who your children are, where they came from, who they are now, and who they will be as they process growing up with a family that does not look like them. It's all about "forming their identity" and helping them become confident and strong about where they came from and who they are now. Although this is true, as Christians we look at it from a completely different perspective, and although I sit here alone in a room at the library with tears streaming down my face reading countless articles on racial identity, I hear the Holy Spirit speak quietly to my heart.

I don't want my sons' identities to be in the fact that one son is Ethiopian and one Burundian, Ethiopian-American, Burundian-American or even the fact that they are well-rounded children with feet in both worlds of their birth country, African Americans and White folk. Wow. That's a lot. As has been our prayer since all of our children joined our family, biological and adopted, we have prayed that our children will grow to understand and accept Jesus' forgiveness of their sins through the cross and resurrection, and make Jesus the Lord of their lives. This dear friends, is the identity we long for our children to have. This dear ones, is the identity we pray for both of our sons- Mekonen, and the son whose name we don't know yet. When I begin to feel overwhelmed about "doing it all right" I need to remind myself that the Gospel will do more for the hearts of our sons in a way that nothing else can.

The pain of adoption that all adoptees feel at various points in their life (whether adopted as infants or older children), is best healed by the Gospel. As a parent, it's hard not to fear those moments my son experiences grief over the loss he's experienced and the difficulties of his story. And it's hard not to fear the moments of grief we will walk through with our second son. No one wants to anticipate those moments. We've had some of them and they are gut wrenching, wrack you to the core like nothing you ever imagined could. But as our son is 6 years old now, words of the Gospel, of Jesus, become a regular occurrence in our adoption talks. No, we do not simply forget about real, truthful, factual research about racial identity, and helping transracially adopted children navigate life in a healthy way; but we don't forget the Gospel. We cannot forget the Gospel, because it does more for the heart than setting up the perfectly balanced life for our boys.

It is the life-long parenting process of pouring into the lives of our sons the fact that if Jesus is King of their hearts and Lord of their lives, THAT is their identity. Not their birth family, not the circumstances that brought them to be placed for adoption, not their adoptive family, not their birth heritage, and not their American upbringing. If they have accepted the forgiveness only Jesus provides, then they are Christians and now they have a new identity worth far more than any other identity on this earth... that is the identity that is eternal. It's the ONLY one that matters. It is the thing I want most for my children.

Galatians 2:20 says- I have been crucified with Christ. It is not longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Once I became a Christian, I received all the benefits and blessings that Jesus has (Ephesians 1). I am forever attached to his identity, his status. As Philip Ryken said in his book on Galatians, "The reason union with Christ is such a magnificent doctrine is that once we get into Christ by faith, then everything Christ has ever done becomes something we have done. It's as if we had lived his perfect life and died his painful death. It's as if we were buried in his tomb and then raised to glorious heaven. God attaches to us the events of Christ's life so that they become part of our lives. His story- the story of the cross and empty tomb- becomes our story."

This is the greatest identity to have. In our crazy me-centered world it's easy to live looking for our identity within ourselves. That's what everything around us is telling us to do. And for the transracially adopted child that is an even bigger deal. But that's not where true and lasting joy and hope are found. With an identity in Christ, we need not base who we are and what we are worth on things that have anything to do with us. Instead, if we are Christians, we need to base our identity on Jesus.

And that's where it hits me again and again. I need to use the Gospel- which is the means to our identity being in Christ- as the healing agent in the pains of adoption that my sons will encounter. Yes, there is still a need to do the best we can in the areas of exposing them to positive influences of people who look like them, and reading and researching on how best to help our boys grow up secure and confident in their heritage. And yes, it is still educating ourselves about race, our boys about race, and doing everything we can to help them live and thrive in a world that is still very gripped by the pains of racism. Absolutely. But it is the Gospel that will free them. The Gospel will bring meaning to this life. The Gospel will bring identity and purpose.

On the days where the questions are asked and the answers are hard to hear, and we realize that as White parents we fall so very short of truly understanding the world our sons will navigate with brown skin, I pray that the Holy Spirit gives us the words to say to not only educate our boys but to minister the Gospel to their hearts. That we tell them again and again, who they really are, and who their identity will be in if they trust in Jesus. This is what I want for my sons. I want them to be able to say, "My confidence, my identity is not found in anything having to do with me or my story. It's found in Jesus." That is the prayer of my heart, and that is where true healing and life begins.

We Have Some EXCITING News!!!!!

Oh man, I hate how long it's been since I've posted. I have a million posts in my head that need to be written, but they keep getting put on the back burner for one reason after another!

One of those reasons, is a BIG reason, and to find out what, watch this short video clip!

AHHHH!!!! So there you have it. The Oren fam is expanding!!! I'm pretty sure Mekonen is more excited than anybody as he will finally be getting his greatest wish-to have a brother with brown skin! He recently told Evie that she's moving out of his room because his brother is coming home. Oh so sweet. And that, dear friends, is where you come into play! You see, in Mekonen's world, his brother should be here, now, however, we have to start at literal ground zero, in terms of gathering the funds necessary to complete an adoption. So it's going to take quite some time, unless the Lord does something crazy! (Which we believe He can do!) We are kicking it into gear and trying our very best to put the work into coming up with the funds. When the agency sent us the fee schedule this week, I about burst into tears as it seems virtually impossible. We even have to start at the application fee. The most simple part of the process. 

If you don't want to see all the why's and what's of this specific product, and just want to take my word for it, and buy for a GREAT cause, scroll below to the red lettered paragraph and a message from Mekonen! 

SO two questions you might be wondering....
1) Why is Rachael selling this stuff to raise money, and not any of the other millions of things? Like I stated in the video, we are trying to come up with the best ways to earn extra money and this is a "job" I can do from home! I also have friends doing really well with it, and I'm hoping that I can follow suit! Also, if I'm looking to make money it might as well be something fun and I think it's great to provide women with a fun avenue to seeing themselves as God made them- beautiful no matter what!

2) What on earth is Younique and 3D fiber lash mascara? Well, it's an incredible naturally based make-up line with emphasis on a specific product- the 3D fiber lash mascara. These are NOT fake eye lashes! It goes on just like regular mascara!

Now if you're a male reading this, I know you're thinking, "I'm checking out, I'm a guy. I don't use this stuff." BUT, your wife, mom, sister, niece, daughter, or friend, would LOVE it. AND, it's for a good cause right? ;) (wink, wink). 

And if your'e a female reading this, you might be thinking, "I'm pretty happy with my mascara look right now." Well, any mascara looks good compared to bare lashes, but what about up next to

some other popular brands? 3D comes out way ahead! Here's my comparison picture with my normal Cover Girl mascara that I used to wear. (If you have a specific brand you want me to compare, let me know and I'll try to get that for you!) 

As I've begun this at home, online business, I've been asked several questions that I thought many might be wondering so I thought I would try to hit a bunch of them here for you. 

- These are NOT false lashes. They are a naturally based fiber & gel.

- They are $29 plus s&h (I know, seems pricey for mascara, but they really are awesome, and $29 to help us adopt isn't bad, right? haha!!)

- It lasts approximately 3 months if worn every day.

- It goes on like regular mascara, no need to wear your regular mascara underneath.

- It comes off with any eye makeup remover or face wash. No harsh scrubbing or raccoon eyes!

- It is gentle enough for contact wearers, as well as those with the most sensitive eyes. 

Another thought you might have... "This is just for those younger girls." But nope! It's not! Here's one of my best friend Katie's mom. Meet Cindy! Isn't she adorable! 

And in case the mature crowd isn't convinced yet, here's Chris, my friend Nicole's mom. 

So, how does this stuff work? Welp, I thought you might ask, so I made this video clip for you!  

Here's another question I've gotten..."I don't like the look of clumpy mascara. How do I keep this from being too clumpy?" Answer...people who wear clumpy mascara, like clumpy mascara. haha! This is just like any mascara you would put on. In fact, the gel is so smooth. If you don't wear your mascara clumpy now, you won't with 3D mascara either!

We often make choices to eat healthy, use less chemicals while cleaning, and try natural healing remedies before medicine. Our skin shouldn't be any different! Did you know your skin is the largest organ in your body?! It's important what you put on it! It only takes 26 seconds for the chemicals in your personal care products to enter your bloodstream. Younique make up, including the 3D mascara, is made from all naturally based ingredients!

So who wouldn't want great lashes?! And if that's not reason enough to convince you? This guy has a request for you 

   

And, here are 3 of my very good friends, Kara, Katie, and Janelle, already sporting the 3D fiber mascara lashes. I know you want to join them! So click here to order! Grab one for yourself and one for a daughter, mom, or friend! You won't be sorry you did! 

Kara

Katie

Janelle

P.S. If you're on Facebook, one way you could REALLY help me out is to host an online party for me! You don't need to do anything! I create the group, you simply invite your friends online, and I do all the work! And bonus: you get free product based on the sales from the group! You've got nothing to lose! :) 

The Flawless Christmas Card

Parenting is the most competitive gig on the planet: who's kid is the smartest, the cutest, learned to read the earliest, has the most friends, is the best on the soccer team, watches the least amount of television, etc. and, nothing appears to convey those messages more than "the perfect Christmas family photo card." But I'd like to offer another thought, because that is definitely not the message that this flawed, very less than perfect Mom and family, is trying to convey when compiling our Christmas cards.

You see, Christmas just screams beauty. Everything in my world feels more beautiful around the Christmas season. I love the way my house looks and feels, the decorations, the lights, the sounds, and the smells of the season. It all leaves me incredibly giddy.  It's a massive celebration of Jesus' birth and I think it's a small, tiny glimpse of the beauty we will experience for eternity.

Along with Christmas beauty comes Christmas cards! It is one of my absolute favorite things about Christmas. Jon knows not to open a single Christmas card without me, so he usually just brings them in a huge stack and lets me go to town. The mailbox in the days before Christmas becomes my stalking ground for Christmas happiness- pictures, yearly highlights, handwritten letters, and family announcements. It's all happy and beautiful and for a moment highlights the resounding beauty that DOES reside in every single family regardless of difficulty or struggle. Sure some of the beauty people display via their Christmas card cheer, may be disingenuous, but maybe it isn't. So before you criticize and assume people are trying to be perfect, maybe just look at it from a different angle. We're all living life and not all of it is filled with beauty. And yes, there is beauty in the mess and the difficulty. We all know that way more than we're probably even willing to admit. We all know life, and marriage, and children, and families are far from perfect, and often come with great struggle. We all know our stories are laced with joy and sorrow alike. That's not what I'm talking about- I often post about the struggle of life, the craziness of raising kids, and the very not so perfect life we live. So at Christmas we desire to display the beauty that does exist among the chaos of every day life.

So that is why I torture my family, mainly my husband, with coordinating outfits, the perfect location, bribing children, and taking a million shots to get one where everyone is looking at the camera and at least sort of smiling.  Pictures mean a lot to me. They document life and that's one thing I think I do fairly well as a mom- document my kids lives. So for me, the Christmas card is very meaningful. It displays the beauty that is in our family. Once a year, it displays the grace of God in our lives and shows the love that runs through the fabric of our family unit.

So the next time you receive a "flawless Christmas card" in the mail, don't jump to the conclusion that they're trying to portray the "perfect family." Maybe instead, see it as the time of year to celebrate the beauty of families sticking together and walking in the daily grind of life as one. That, is true beauty and should be celebrated and displayed.

So without further ado, here's a picture of our Christmas Card of 2014. We did not send out cards to everyone this year because we chose to clamp down our Christmas budget. We sent them to a few non-internet family members and friends. If you normally receive a card from us, please don't be offended! We plan to fully resume the ginormous Christmas card list next year.

Dear Family & Friends,
2014 has been quite the year for us. Looking back, I can't believe all we crammed into one year. To kick-off 2014, Jon and I took a babymoon vacation to Jamaica. We left at just the right time as Indy was experiencing its coldest winter in decades. We had an awesome trip and had such a great time celebrating all the good that God has done in the life of our family over the last few years.

On March 28th Evie turned 3 years old! She continues to be a lover of babies, all things princess, and twirly dresses. She can be found at almost any moment of the day in her yellow "Belle" dress she got from Ethiopia ("because it twirls the best, Mama"), all while bouncing a baby on her hip. The detail with which she cares for her dolls is probably one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. Evie was promoted to Big Sister this year and takes this role very seriously. She is our more independent child, but certainly loves to snuggle. She loves bathroom humor, laughing, and playing with Mekonen. She took her first ballet class this year and almost exploded with excitement. She loves it more than I ever imagined.

On April 6th, the sweetest chaos we ever met arrived on the scene, at our schoolhouse, at 11:11am weighing 7 lbs 11 oz, and 20 inches long. We named her Penelope Mae after her Great-Grandma Penny Castro, and her Great-Grandma Nellie Mae Oren. Sweet chaos is a good descriptor for our little peanut as she has had quite the colicky start to her little life. We are praising the Lord that she started turning a corner around 6 months old and is no longer crying and fussing all the time. She still definitely has her moments where no ones sleeps and no one gets anything done. But we know, this too shall pass, and she'll be running behind her brother and sister in no-time. She is almost 9 months old and her personality is starting to show. She is starting to babble and it takes little effort to get her to smile and laugh. She's starting to stand independently now and we expect that she'll be walking and running before we know it.

We spent the summer traveling to visit family, working on our 100 year old schoolhouse, and enjoying our kids. Jon planted a huge vegetable garden this year and I canned for the first time- green beans, tomatoes, soup, salsa, pickles, and grape jelly. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it and look forward to it next year. We (a.k.a. mostly Jon) continued caring for our egg laying chickens and this past fall raised 20 meat chickens that we had butchered just a few weeks ago. Who knows what other animals will show up in our yard this coming year! I'm hearing talk of pigs and turkeys, oh my!

In much sadder news, we lost our beloved golden retriever, Macy, this year. It was the one of the most heartbreaking things we've experienced, and way more devastating than I ever imagined it would be. Recovering from that was extremely difficult as pets truly are part of our families.

This fall, Mekonen started kindergarten and left me asking myself more than once, "where did the time go?" We are homeschooling and attending a classical co-op. Mekonen loves it. His favorite part of the week is going to school with his friends. We are blessed to walk this homeschooling year with some good friends and it has been so fun watching our boys go to school together. Homeschooling is genuinely my favorite part of our day. Watching Mekonen learn to read has been so much fun. We have found that he loves history, geography, and math. He's learned the 50 states and capitals, along with their location, the Presidents of the U.S., and is working through organizing what he has learned in history on a history timeline of world. I love that these things continue to fascinate him.  If you're wondering why we homeschool and what classical education is, check out my blog posts, here, and here. 

One of the things we loved most about 2014 is that all of my family came to visit us! The Bakers came this past summer on their way to moving to Wyoming, and my parents, and the Daniels family came for Thanksgiving. It was so much fun being able to host everyone.

On December 28th, Mekonen turned six years old! He is our extreme extrovert and is the most relationally driven person I have ever met. He might even surpass me. Haha! He loves any and every activity involving Daddy, loves Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Superheroes, and Legos. The highlights of his days are playing with friends and wrestling with Daddy. He played baseball on a team for the first time this year and seems to prefer baseball over soccer! An entirely new part of his person came out when Penelope was born and it is incredibly special. Mekonen has not only taken his baby sister's colic in stride, but has genuinely embraced his protector and care-giver role as big brother. He's constantly trying to soothe her, love on her, and do whatever he can to help. He takes his sibling leadership role seriously and we are excited to continue to watch that grow.

We thank you all for your love, support, and involvement in our lives. We don't take it for granted. We wish you a Merry Christmas and very happy and healthy 2015.

With much love, 

The Orens 

Santa Claus?

Santa Claus....every year he comes up, and every year we have conversations about it. Jon grew up with Santa and I did not, so we come from both sides of the story. I'm a great fan of make-believe, imagination, and fun, fanciful stories. Several weeks ago, Mekonen lost his first tooth and I got flack for telling him about the Tooth Fairy, and letting my kids walk the streets of Disney World thinking the characters were real, but not having my kids believe in Santa Claus. For me, there's a big difference in both of those scenarios, and many don't agree, and that is totally okay. But I know my kids....I have one extremely sensitive one, and one very logical one, and I have always felt a little unsettled in my heart about blurring the lines at Christmas when Jesus is supposed to be the focus. If Santa had been at a different time of the year, having nothing to do with Christmas, or Jesus' birth, maybe we would've been Santa believers in full. Who knows!

At Christmas time, there are two very prominent figures (and one culturally more prominent than the other), Santa and Jesus. I have felt very strongly about not wanting to blur the lines between real and pretend within those two people. I got criticized for being ridiculous, over the top, and the like. (Which in one sense is funny because why do others care if my kids believe in Santa or not)? But anyway, my concern was confusing the lines, and I saw the perfect example in a conversation with my 3 year old on Friday while we drove to the children's museum. Evie says from the backseat, "Mommy, if Santa Claus is pretend, is Jesus real?" Of course I responded that He absolutely is, that He is the reason everything and everyone exists, that He is God, etc, etc. Then she said, "well if Santa flying reindeer and bringing presents to all the kids is just pretend, did Jesus really die on the cross?" Oh my. Her little mind trying desperately to make connections and discern reality and truth. I mean when you think about it, I don't blame her. Santa Claus and Jesus aren't "seen," and their stories both display omnipotence and omnipresence, as well miraculous feats that seem impossible. So why wouldn't she question that? There's already the big job of wading through questions like that during this time of the year. We want our children to know the absolute solid truth about who Jesus is, and I don't want to add to that already existing job, by mixing Santa and Jesus too much at Christmas.

Please hear my heart....I am not condemning or criticizing, or anything of the sort, those families who do believe in Santa Claus. I know lots and lots of wonderful, godly, great parents who present Santa to their children as real. Their kids are just fine. I'm simply expressing our feelings on the issue and hoping to offer a grid for people to think through when it comes to deciding whether or not to include Santa as real in one's Christmas celebrations. I think the problem comes into play when we buy into so many cultural traditions and things without ever thinking them through.

So what do we do with Santa?

We've used a little system written about by Justin Holcomb about how to wisely think through cultural practices. When we come across a cultural practice and we have to decide whether to participate or not, he suggests the 3 R's. Reject, Receive, or Redeem.

But before we dive into the three R's, it's important to remember, that we as parents must research for ourselves. We can't just piggy back the practices, beliefs, and methodologies of those around us (Christian or not). It's our responsibility as Christians not to be clueless about the history or origins of the cultural practices we so easily reject or receive, without thought, simply because our church, family, or friends do such things. God has equipped us with the ability to think and discern and we should use that wisely.

So there are three things Christians do in regards to Santa Claus.
1. Reject Santa- have no association with anything Santa. He is often demonized and even declared "sinful" in this category.
2. Receive Santa- fully accept everything Santa, portray him as fully truth, partake in all the "this is real" Santa activities, while reinforcing "his realness."
3. Redeem Santa- talk about Santa Claus for who he was, tell the truth as the truth, and the imaginary as the imaginary, and allow our kids to have fun with the fanciful imagination and enjoy this aspect of the holiday season for what it is

We've chosen to redeem Santa. We talk about how the story of Santa Claus as we know it today came to be. Because the truth is, there is some truth to the story of Santa, but obviously a lot of make-believe too. We want our children to understand that Santa Claus is a mix of real and make-believe. Here are some parts of the real story of Nicholas.

Some ancient records reveal that Nicholas was born to a wealthy family and was raised a devout Christian. His parents died tragically when he was young and he spent much of his wealth taking care of the poor which involved giving gifts to children and sometimes filling stockings of presents for them. One record shares that he helped save three sisters from a life of prostitution by paying their wedding dowry that their family was too poor to pay.

He was a Christian leader who became the Bishop of the port city Myra that the apostle Paul visited in the book of Acts in the Bible. He also was part of the Council of Nicaea that defended the diety of Jesus Christ in A.D. 325 (I thought that was fascinating. I didn't know that at all!)

He was canonized as a saint after he died on December 6, 343 and St. Nicholas' holiday was celebrated by giving gifts. This eventually became synonymous with Christmas since they were celebrated within a few weeks of each other.

Other folklore of the time became entwined with St. Nicholas and is where it is said we got the fanciful stories of going down the chimney, flying reindeer, and delivering presents to all the children of the world in one night. And what fun stories! And that's what we tell our kids! We tell them the true story of the man St. Nicholas and have fun with the pretend stories. We read the Night Before Christmas, we have a few Santa ornaments on our tree, and we visit the children's museum to participate in all the Christmas activities, which always includes sitting on Santa's lap for the classic childhood Santa picture. 

(I cannot believe Penelope didn't absolutely freak out)

No, I don't believe our children are missing out on childhood, as a few have argued with me. We talk about the truth and majesty of God sending His Son Jesus to rescue the world, and how that deserves a celebration even bigger than we can make it at Christmas. We also talk about and enjoy some of the cultural practices of our day that happen around Christmas as well. We are not against make-believe and allowing our kids to believe in certain things that aren't real. We just want to do that outside the context of mixing spiritual truths and make-believe. 

(and how cute is she with her two front teeth)