How To: Family Devotions

I've had a few friends ask me about when and how we do family devotions/Bible teaching with Mekonen. Like I wrote about in Cultivating Teachable Moments, many of our conversations happen along the way of life as we are trying to help Mekonen understand who Jesus is and the Gospel. Often times, those conversations are focused in and around his daily life living under our authority and working towards living in harmony with his sister.

However, we wholeheartedly believe in intentional, purposeful parenting, that also sets the stage for those conversations to happen. Because we believe parents are called to be the primary disciplers of their children, we want to instill a regular family devotional time (or whatever you want to call it), where that atmosphere it lived.

In talking with friends, a set time for "family devotions" is not always easy to come by. Even if you don't have a lot of kids, bedtime often varies from child to child, evening activities vary, and the like. Since our kids are small, we still read to them out of an age appropriate Bible before bed, pray and sing with them. As they grow up, we plan on cultivating that into a time of guiding and teaching them to read and study the Bible on their own. However, this is not the family building time, with everyone together. We took the advice of a pastor we really enjoy and respect and started doing family devotions at dinnertime.

Here's a little bit of what this pastor has to say on this topic:
"Dinner is one of the great highlights of my day. Why? Because I get to sit in my home with the woman I love, laughing, chatting, and eating with our five children whom we deeply love and enjoy. Every time I sit at the table with my family I am reminded of the words of Psalm 128:3–4, which says, “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD.” As Scripture says, I am blessed. Some months ago we started a new tradition at the Driscoll dining table that has also been a blessing. We struggled to find a way to do regular family devotions with five children of different ages and attention spans. Dinner Bible discussions led by Grace and me have been a huge hit. Every time we sit down for dinner the dinner Bible is in its place on the table, opened to the section of Scripture we will discuss that evening. The younger kids are able to handle longer and more reflective discussions when their hands are busy as they eat. Also, with the casual conversation over dinner I have noticed that everyone gets an opportunity to speak as we take turns chewing our food, and our dinners last longer than they had before because everyone is engaged. The following steps are offered based upon my experience with our children over dinner. These steps are intended to help direct theological discussions between parents and their children while also building the children’s theological vocabularies so that they are increasingly familiar with biblical concepts.

Step 1. Eat dinner with your entire family regularly.

Step 2. Mom and Dad sit next to one another to lead the family discussion.

Step 3. Open the meal by asking if there is anyone or anything to pray for.

Step 4. Someone opens in prayer and covers any requests. This task should be rotated among family members so that different people take turns learning to pray aloud.

Step 5. Start eating and discuss how everyone’s day went.

Step 6. Have a Bible in front of the parents in a translation that is age

appropriate for the kids’ reading level. Have someone (parent or child) open the

Bible to the assigned text and read it aloud while everyone is eating

and listening.

Step 7. Have a discussion about the text, what it means, etc. If your children are young, there are many great resources on going through a book of the Bible, or text of Scripture with your children. 

Step 8. Let the conversation happen naturally, listen carefully to the kids, let them answer the questions, and fill in whatever they miss or lovingly and gently correct whatever they get wrong so as to help them.

Step 9. If the Scriptures convict you of sin, repent as you need to your family, and share appropriately honest parts of your life story so the kids can see Jesus’ work in your life and your need for him too, which demonstrates gospel humility.

Step 10. At the end of dinner, ask the kids if they have any questions for you.

Do not feel bound by any questions or pressured to follow the steps too rigidly. Follow the Spirit’s leading and don’t be a religious parent who is rigidly inflexible, thereby making this sort of thing something they must be do in duty rather than something they get to do in delight. If you miss a night, or if conversation gets off track, or if your family occasionally just wants to talk about something else, don’t stress—it’s inevitable. 

For your children, the point is to learn what they are thinking about God, to help them know and love Jesus as God and Savior, and to teach them how to articulate and explain their Christian faith. 

For parents, the point is to lovingly instruct children and each other, thereby creating a family culture in which every member freely and naturally talks about God and prays to him together. 

In short, the goal is simply that your family would open the Bible and grow in love for Jesus, one another, your church, and the world. Be sure to have some fun, enjoy some laughs, and build some memories."

So with a 3 and 1 year old, this is what this time looks like in our house. In the middle of our table we have the Jesus Storybook Bible, My 1st Book of Questions and Answers by Carine Mackenzie, and The Gospel Project cards from our church's children's ministry. One of us reads a story from the Jesus Storybook Bible and then we all talk about it. We try to go in order through the book, but sometimes, Mekonen's love for David and Goliath wins out. :) 

After that we go through a couple of the catechism questions in My 1st Book of Questions and Answers. 

Then we review the Gospel Project cards. These are a great resource that our church gave us that have picture cards for the timeline of the Bible starting in Genesis. The front of the card has the Bible story art that the kids would have seen in children's ministry while learning the Bible story. It includes a Scripture reference to read the story again with your child in the Bible (or you can read the same story in their age appropriate Bible like "The Jesus Storybook Bible"). The back of the card has the big picture questions and answer they learned that week. (For example with the creation story is the "catechism" question/answer, "Who made everything?" God made everything). Then there is a Jesus connection point  that helps connect Jesus to the Bible story. 

Important point to remember: We don't use the Bible as moral stories of do this and don't do that, or be like this Bible character and not like that Bible character. That simply fuels the already present default of our hearts towards works righteousness. Instead, we speak over and over about God's love, mercy, and grace- how we are sinners and deserve God's punishment, how God's law/rules do not make us good, but they just show us how sinful we are and that we need Jesus to make us good. Throughout the entire Bible, the message of the Gospel can be seen.... that if we take Jesus' goodness as our own, God looks upon as being perfectly obedient, no matter how many times we disobey. Now that is good news, and certainly something worthy of every day conversation! 

Cultivating Teachable Moments

I am soaking up the opportunity to watch Mekonen grow as a little person with thoughts, questions, and ideas about life. I can see these things maturing every day and I can't believe how much he is growing!

I am so incredibly thankful that I'm able to be at home with my kids, especially during their waking hours. We believe parents should be the primary disciplers of their children, not school, not church, not children's ministry or Bible studies, not Christians camps, or even Christian friends. Mekonen has been asking so many questions lately about God, the world, sin, Satan, etc. I am so glad that I am able to spend my days walking alongside my children and answering those questions. I don't always explain things in a way he can understand, and sometimes I fumble around trying to explain deep theological truths in a simple way, but I'm so glad I get the opportunity. I can't imagine being away from them every day and not having these spur of the moment conversations.

So, is there a way to "set up" or be intentional about the conversations we have with our children as we walk and talk along the way? I believe so. As Charlotte Mason says (an educational philosopher), "Education is life. A child's mind feeds on ideas and children have a natural appetite for knowledge. As parents and/or educators, we are responsible for what ideas we place in front of our children for their minds to feed on." Although she is talking more about education as a whole, I think this idea pertains specifically as well to teaching our children about God. This does not need to be awkward. It shouldn't be awkward. It's not as if we are supposed to formally sit down and drill our kids, being stoic and serious, on the catechisms of our faith. It's a way of life. But we can't do this way of life of discipling our children if we aren't placing the splendor of God in front of our kids for their minds to feed on, to think on, to sing, to recite. So much of teaching is providing the right "feast" for our kids to indulge on.

Along with our regular family devotional times at dinner, we've found some other little ways here and there to place the splendor of God, the deep truths of our faith, and theology of the Bible in front of our kids. One of the ways that has produced the most questions and conversations is listening to hymns. We bought a couple kids hymn CD's and play them in the car. They are upbeat, more modern versions of hymns and Mekonen absolutely loves them. We just listen to them, sing a long, etc. Nothing complex. And recently, the questions start flowing as he's learning the words and asking what things mean. This is the beauty of teaching our kids hymns. I have nothing against new praise and worship music, or even other little kid Bible songs (which we do listen to as well), but often, it's watered down versions of the Gospel or theology, and I've found doesn't produce many thought provoking ideas that spur questions and conversations. Hymns are saturated with great theology and for us, have been good seeds planted for the Lord to work in their hearts as they grow in understanding.

A few questions we've had recently from Mekonen that I want to record and remember
:
"Mommy, what does interposed his precious blood mean?" This came from the hymn "Come Thou Fount." The phrase "He to rescue me from danger, interposed his precious blood," enabled me to have a conversation with Mekonen about what Jesus' death on the cross has accomplished.

"What does it mean to bless the Lord," and "Who is a servant of the Lord?" This came from the hymn "Come Bless the Lord." We talked about how a servant of the Lord is someone who loves Jesus. I had to be careful to not go to the default of our hearts and say being a servant of the Lord is solely and simply "doing things, like good works, for Jesus." Oh how easy it is to reduce the Gospel to what we think we can do. So instead we talked about how keeping God's law and doing "good things" does not make us a servant of God. We talked about how God's law does not make us good, it just shows us how sinful we are and that we need Jesus to make us good. We have to keep telling him over and over again that if we take Jesus' goodness as our own, that "God looks upon us as being perfectly obedient, no matter how many times we disobey." (Elyse Fitzpatrick). There are many, many more applications of being a servant of the Lord, but for now, my unbelieving 3 year old simply needs to hear the Gospel part over and over again.

This past week his question was, "Mommy, what's wrong with Satan's heart?" (I cannot remember what song we were listening to. Our usual round of things was playing). I told him that his heart was against God. That is was prideful and full of sin. Then he asked, "What does Satan want us to do? And I told him that Satan wants us to believe lies about God's love and goodness. Then he wanted to know why. Which went back to, "because of his pride and sin." Which then led to how we all have pride and sin, but that if we trust in Jesus' goodness, his obedience becomes ours.

You can do this! Don't doubt yourself, don't worry about not saying the right things. Trust me, I fumble over my words way more than I feel like I get them out correctly in an understandable way. Most of Mekonen's questions don't get such formulated and succinct answers. But that's okay! God uses all of our answers, the one's we nail, and the one's we fumble around. God didn't ask us to make our children lovers of God. We are to simply commend the works of God to our children, and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. "We have far too high a view of our ability to shape our children and far too low a view of God's love and trusthworthiness" (Elyse Fitzpatrick).

Deuteronomy 11:19- You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Real Marriage

This past weekend, Jon and I went to Mark and Grace Driscoll's Real Marriage Conference. (Mark Driscoll is the pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington). We were super excited earlier this year when we found out that Pastor Mark's marriage conference was coming to Indy. He and his wife Grace wrote a book called Real Marriage that came out this past January (2012), and I have to say, out of every marriage book we've read, this is by far, the best one. They've been doing a conference tour across the U.S. and landed in Indianapolis last weekend. Their book reached #1 on NY Times best selling list. Pretty cool.

It was so neat to meet Mark and be able to tell him how his book, his honesty, and his wife's honesty, has been monumental in our life this year.

 So often, you find marriage books in which it sounds like the writer of the book has done everything right, never made any mistakes, and is living in happily ever after fairy-tale land. First of all, that's just not true. Second of all, it's extremely discouraging. Here's the deal... no one has sailed through marriage without trials and difficulties, not even pastors. But unfortunately, many pastors have not had enough courage to share where they've been and the honest road it took to be where they are. It is so encouraging when you find someone further down the road from you, who walked difficult paths, and came out looking more like Jesus on the other side. Those are the people we want to be around. Third of all, the church at large (meaning collective Bible believing, Christian churches), are often silent on the issues that marriages need to hear most about from a Biblical perspective. Probably because too often, they don't understand "Biblical perspective" and are tip-toeing around words like sex, only talking about it in code language, and trying to make things like Song of Solomon into something God didn't intended it to be. No, Song of Solomon is not allegorical teaching about God and the church. It's about the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife, and all the joy and freedom found in THAT relationship. And yes, that is IN the BIBLE!

All that to say, we are incredibly thankful for the church body and the pastors at Harvest Bible Chapel where we attend church. Our pastors and godly leaders do not at all fit into the category of "silent." They are genuine, heartfelt, and most of all, real. So thank you to our pastors and elders for the godly example of reality and walking out our faith that you display. Not only are they doing that, but they are encouraging the church body to do the same in each other's lives...to disciple.

For years, we have prayed for a godly couple to walk beside us in life, speaking into our marriage, and encouraging us to live out God's plan for families. God answered when he brought Joe and Julie Wendel into our lives. They have given so much of their time, energy, and love into seeing God's best for us. Having someone like them, one on one, and couple to couple, is one of the most invaluable blessings to a young and growing family. I've really never met anyone like them... who speak in love, who are loyal and steadfast, even when it's hard and painful, in pursuing us and God's best for us.

Joe and Julie went to the Real Marriage conference with us. The conference was Friday and Saturday and we all spent the night at a hotel, without children!! :) Yes! haha. So thankful we could share this weekend together.

So much of life hinges on the crucial decisions within a marriage and family. God didn't set up the church to wander around aimlessly and try to figure it out. He gave us His Word, the Holy Spirit, the church, and godly people to walk alongside us, to mentor us, to love us, to laugh with us, to grieve with us, and to rejoice with us.

Even now we pray, that one day, we can turn around and provide the same kind of discipleship to others.

"Oh the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person -- having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friend will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." (Dinah Craik).

Here are some great sermon series by Mark Driscoll, totally worth your time. Load em' up on your iPod and listen on your way to work!
Real Marriage series
Song of Solomon- The Peasant Princess series

Summer Highlight- Attending a Birth

This summer, I had the amazing opportunity to witness the birth of my friend's fourth child. It was so incredible. I am all about women having whatever birth experience they desire, whether that be homebirth, hospital birth, induction, drug-free birth, epidural, or c-section (planned or not planned). I am super interested in midwifery study and one of these days maybe I will get certified as a midwife, birth assistant, or doula. I have always said that if I didn't study education in college, I would've become a nurse, solely for the purpose of becoming a labor and delivery nurse, but I am not interested in any other categories of nursing and you can't specify what part of nursing you want to study. Anyway, I cannot think of a more exciting and rewarding job! This was the first birth I had ever been to, except for  my delivery of Evie. It was awesome.

I hung out with Connor, Nate, and Phoebe for the day while mom was in labor and got to attend the birth later that night. She wanted her kids to be there for the birth and wanted me to help with them during that process. I taught Connor a few years back in first grade. Can't believe he is so old!

We baked a cake for Luke's birthday!

 We went to lunch, played the Wii, ran around at the park, and went to the library. 

 They didn't think I could hang upside down. 

 Labor stalled for a few hours in the early evening so I left and went to small group with church. Then I got a text around 9pm saying to hurry back, labor was in full swing and baby would be here soon. My heart was beating so fast the entire drive there. 

She had a home water birth with Believe Midwifery.

Here's Connor, waiting for his brother to arrive. 

 About an hour after I returned, this precious boy arrived. 

Luke Matthew

July 10, 2012 @10:54pm

8 lbs. 3 oz. 21 inches

I get chills even writing about it. It was such a privilege to be asked to be a part of such a personal, family time. Besides my own labor, I don't think my heart was ever beating so fast for so long! 

3 excited siblings after the birth! 

After Luke was born, Nate ran downstairs to record it. Hehe.

And here he is! What a beautiful boy. Watching him enter the world was certainly a highlight of my summer. 

Preschool- At Home!

With much excitement, we have taken the plunge into homeschooling! Mekonen turns 4 at the end of the year and we started preschool this year. We have lots of reasons we are choosing to homeschool, but that's another post for another day.

So here's a glimpse into what we are doing, and a pic of one very excited 3 year old. 

Mekonen loves books and has been asking constantly "what do all these words say mom?" Or when I give him a stack of books to look at it, he says with disappointment, "But I don't know what the words say!" So I decided to take full advantage of his interest and begin a phonics program with him. He already knows all his upper and lowercase letters so I figure he's ready to start. When I taught before we had kids, I found the Abeka phonics program to be one of the best ways to teach reading and knew we would be using that. So for his first year of preschool we are doing Abeka K4 phonics and then a bunch of lapbooks and some learning games I made from this great website. I mixed some of the toddler and preschool packs for what Mekonen needs to work on. We will also continue reading our way through  Charlotte Mason's reading lists and the classical reading list for early childhood.

This kid is loving all the school attention. It's the first thing he wants to do when he wakes up in the morning. Wouldn't it be nice if that enthusiasm stuck over the years? haha. 

 Learning the vowels and their sounds. 

Mekonen thinks it's super cool that he uses a sword as his school pointer. 

 Learning phonics requires lots of repitition so I've made several games for Mekonen that we use to practice the phonics sounds and letters. He absolutely loves it. Here's one where I made several roads that we can arrange in different ways and when he answers something correct he gets to move his car along the track. 

 Another game for phonics based on Thomas the tank engine. It's so simple, but he thinks it's great. 

We do our phonics and letter work first (the Abeka curriculum), and then we move on to lapbooks. I took several days and made these books up based on Mekonen's interests and we work on bits and pieces of them each time. They work on skills like patterns, colors, numbers, shapes, writing, etc. These are great because we can use them over and over again, so making them was not wasted time or effort!

Here he is working on his Cars book. It's his favorite!! 

Tracing with his Cars book. We need some major work in the fine motor skills department. :) hehe. 

Working on numbers! He puts the right amount of cars on each number. 

We don't have an official schoolroom so I just use this portable white board. Mekonen loves putting his stuff on it at the end of our school time. 

Our school time only lasts about 30 minutes, and Evie's job is carpet time! She has to stay on the carpet and play so she's not getting into all the stuff we're trying to do. Eventually I might make her some of the toddler busy bags floating around online, but I haven't had time. For now, she's content just playing here. 

Some pics of our labooks for the fall. 

Cars

 Thomas the Tank Engine

 Finding Nemo

 A Fall theme

 Knights and Castles 

 Pirates 

So that's about it for now!
Another favorite part of Mekonen's preschool time is putting a sticker on his "I Did School Today" chart. It's the little things...hehe. :)