Mekonen's 2nd Gotcha Day!

We met our son skin to skin, face to face, on August 21, 2009- His Gotcha Day! And this past weekend we celebrated Mekonen's 2nd Gotcha Day! About twenty of our friends came together to celebrate this special day in our family's life. I spent the afternoon with my amazing friend Julie cooking a traditional Ethiopian meal of dora wat, siga wat, lentils and an Ethiopian vegetable dish, served with injera! (We bought the injera though. Too hard to make). It was super yummy. It was so neat to have so many of our friends tight and cozy around a huge table together. They have been such a support to us and have lavished more love on our little family than we know what to do with.

After eating dinner we headed downstairs and watched Mekonen's adoption video on the big screen. He loves seeing himself on a movie and calls it the "Baby Bonen Movie." He loves to talk about how Mommy and Daddy came to get him on an airplane. When we ask him where he was born he says, "Opia" and sometimes even "DeeDawa" (Dire Dawa, the town where he was born). So cute. Then we headed back upstairs for desserts and some gifts. Mekonen was one spoiled little boy. :)

Super yummy cupcakes for dessert!!

Presents! Mekonen was very excited about this. :) 

Friends!!!!

Super yummy cupcakes for dessert. 

 Evie enjoying the party.

Happy 2nd Gotcha Day Mekonen. You my dear one, are the delight of my heart. 

I think I might burst with joy. 

My Children Create Motherhood

Mother's Day... a day that is packed full of so many things for me, especially this year. 

First of all, I want to say my Mother is incredible. I look back at my childhood and am so thankful that God chose to give me to the Mother He did. So much of myself, so much of who I am, I owe to my Mom. She loves Jesus. She loves my Dad. She loves her kids and grandbabies. She is extremely, extremely intentional. This is one of her many qualities that I love. When I think on my childhood my mind goes to my Mother in all those motherly ways that many of us are blessed to experience such as hugs, kisses, cheers, and the like. But on top of that, my mind goes to how my Mom was intentional. Another way to say it is Purposeful Living. In my New Year's blog post I wrote about purposeful living... my Mom displays that in practically every way. Part of what I wrote...

"Often times, it is so easy to coast through life, stuck on auto-pilot, going about our day to day business without ever realizing the kinds of moments we have let go by. Living purposefully. That means living with intent, being direct and specific with how we go about our days and our relationships with our children, our spouses, and friendships."

When I was writing that blog post, I just kept thinking of my Mom. How I want to be for my children what she was for me. Not a day went by that she wasn't intentionally involved in our lives. We weren't ushered into the other room to play by ourselves all the time. Rather, she incorporated us into what she was doing, always spent time playing with us, teaching us, taking us places, and setting up our lives in such a way that she was intentional. Everything had a purpose. I see her like this with my children... and my sisters' children. All the daily tasks that need to be done, and the relaxing I'm sure she'd like to do after a long day, are always placed aside as she displays intentionality with our children... playing, teaching, and spending time with them. What a Mom! What a Grandma! What an incredible legacy I have. What an incredible legacy my children are blessed to experience. Thank you Mom!

I never thought much about all that Mother's day entails before my children came into my life. I think on Mother's Day with love & gratitude for my Mother, with courage and strength for Enat, my son's birthmother, with love, joy and amazement for my children, and with heaviness for those longing to be mothers who aren't yet. 

I have come to know, more than anything, how motherhood has nothing to do with biology (previous post). Maybe this is why I am often rubbed the wrong way when mothers who have physically birthed children elevate/idolize pregnancy itself, the birthing experience, and all that it entails. I understand where they are coming from. Pregnancy was amazing and something I have always longed to experience. To see what it would feel like for a babe to be growing inside my belly. And the birth of my second child was thrilling, but not any more than the arrival of our son from Ethiopia. Sometimes, when pregnancy and the birthing experience is made into an "idol of motherhood," it can send a wrong and painful message to people whose experiences do not fit that mold. 

"You have a story to tell..." 

It might sound funny, but these words spoken to me by a friend just a couple weeks after Evie's birth were used by God to greatly encourage my heart. Our plan for Evie's birth didn't go as we hoped it would and it ended in a c-section, which I was hoping to avoid. I wasn't wanting to have major abdominal surgery. I was hoping for a problem free vaginal delivery. I wanted to experience pushing my baby out and her slimy wiggly body being placed on my belly within her first few moments of life. My doctor was even going to let Jon pull her out and hand her to me. That's what I had in my mind. 

As you know from Part 1 of Evangeline's story, I ended up with a c-section for complications out of my control. Obviously, God had different plans and knew exactly how Evie's birthday would come about. And, when she arrived I was completely fine with it! All I cared about was my baby and she was here! 

So, Evie arrived... we were overjoyed, elated, and extremely thankful for this beautiful baby girl. I didn't think badly about my c-section. I didn't care that it was how she arrived. After all, the end goal was a healthy baby and that was exactly what we got. I was proud. I was filled with joy.  I thought nothing more of it. We had a beautiful baby girl whom we love more than we could ever imagine. She's here! She's healthy. She's safe. Her special day, her birthday, didn't end in tragedy. Our family and friends flooded us with celebration from near and far! We were all healthy and doing great! Becoming a Mom again happened in a different way this time, through birth instead of adoption. But it wasn't any more glamorous, exciting, invigorating, or full of love, than when we picked up our son from Ethiopia. Equally wonderful feelings, just different avenues of arriving into our family. 

But unfortunately, it is not always seen that way. I have encountered numerous occasions where the physical act of pregnancy and a specific way of birth- i.e. vaginal birth, became what seemed to be valued above the rest. Suddenly, thoughts I never thought would happen came creeping into my heart and I became deeply discouraged. I didn't know quite how to process them. 

• Suddenly, I felt like there was something "wrong with me," like my body "failed me" and I wasn't good enough. It was the comments about the physical act of "motherhood"... things like, "I must have been born to have children." Or, "God made my body to experience birth," "I must be fertile Myrtle," or "My birthing hips made my vaginal delivery easy and without drugs." Whether they are meant to or not, these kinds of comments send the message that "being a mother and woman is synonomous with a specific way of bringing children into one's family, and it's more glorious for them to arrive vaginally." My body and birthing experience didn't fit this mold and therefore I felt less than in both categories. 
• There is so much pressure in certain circles to have natural childbirth. It's talked about in a way that elevates it far above a c-section (and I don't mean for the obvious reasons such as avoiding major abdominal surgery), but instead it's often elevated in a "vaginal birth somehow makes you more of a 'woman', and more connected to your child." Many people in these circles talk about c-sections almost as if they are always the fault of the mother or the medical profession. It can come across as though a woman can't experience that extremely overwhelming love for her baby and that they somehow "missed out" on experiencing them. The constant talk and idolization of these things brought such dark discouragement to my heart. And that's when the words, "You have a story to tell" spoke to my heart. 
• It's not all about HOW Evangeline arrived. It's about the fact that she HAS arrived. Yes, a woman's body is designed to give birth vaginally, it's designed to do things on its own, etc. But that doesn't mean there won't ever be complications out of our control, and it certainly is not the end of the world! 

I was expressing some of these thoughts to a friend at dinner. She basically echoed all I have written in one way or the other (and she has experienced vaginal and cesarean birth, as well as adoption). Simply put she said, "You have a baby! That's the end goal. Who cares! You have a story to tell."

And yes! I have another story to tell about becoming a Mom again. Evie has a story to tell. Her story. Delivery (no matter what form it is in) or the complete absence of pregnancy and delivery, does not make someone a mother. It's not part of "becoming a mother" in some euphoric, mystical way. Yes, I knew this already (obviously through the adoption of our son). But I didn't see how that fit together with this experience until now. So how do I know this about becoming a mother? Because I wake up every day to this brown-eyed, dark skinned boy, whom I love more than my life itself...whose body I did not carry inside mine.

• And, like my friend stated....I have a story to tell. And not because it's wrapped up in what some see as the ideal way to motherhood through pregnancy and a specific birthing experience, but rather because it gave me my daughter. It's the story of my little girl's birthday....
  
  
  
  
• The story of the funny anticipation on Jon's face when I woke him from a dead sleep saying with excitement and some fear, "I think my water just broke!" The excitement of telling our friends and family that the day has finally come... Baby Oren was on its way. The fear and panic I felt at various times during my 24 hours of hard labor and how I looked over at Jon and said, "Please, just come close to me" and held his hand. The funny things we laughed at while I pushed for 3 hours, such as, "Babe, is this grossing you out?" The nervousness I saw in Jon's face when things weren't moving along during the 3 hours of pushing and my pain became unmanageable. The alone time we had together to talk about what we already knew- a c-section was necessary. The sadness and disappointment I felt when we realized that the ending would be different than I imagined. The relief I felt that it was almost all over and we would soon meet our baby. The annoyed feeling that the doctor "slipped" and told us it was a boy when we didn't want to know the sex, that melted into a giggle from me when she walked out of the room to get the surgery room set up and Jon said, "Well! I guess we're having a boy! My laughter as Jon walked out of the bathroom in his scrubs for the surgery and my great protest of the marshmallow hat I had to wear that wasn't flattering my already red face and smudged make-up from tears and 24 hours of labor. The panic and excitement I felt being wheeled away down the hall... it would be minutes, mere minutes, and my baby would be here. The apprehension I felt about being cut open and the possibility they would need to put me completely out if the meds didn't work. The relief I felt when they started the surgery, I couldn't feel it, and I knew I would get to stay awake. The extreme exhaustion I felt as I giggled and said out loud, "How terrible is it that my baby is about to come out and I might fall asleep right here, right now!"How great I felt when during the surgery my doctor used the pronouns he, him, and then said boy- and everything was going okay, I'd see him any second now! How confused I was when she said, "Girl- it's a girl!" and then how delighted I was for such a surprise. How I heard a smile in Jon's voice as he softly repeated, "A little girl!" How over the moon I felt as the tears streamed down my face, "It's a girl!" How fun it was to call her by her name for the first time. How we couldn't wait to share our news. How we were overjoyed at the addition to our family. How sweet it was when Jon walked into the recovery room holding our baby girl and put her in my arms again. How I knew in my heart I always longed for Jon to be a daddy to a little girl. How loved and protected I felt by Jon as he cared for both Evie and I over the next several days. How amazing the stories of both of our children are. How blessed we truly are...

So, what started out as a wonderful birth experience via c-section, turned into weeks where I felt discouraged listening to the focus of a baby's arrival on the birth experience rather than the baby itself. I hadn't felt that way before, and I found myself growing angry for these situations clouding how beautifully I viewed my daughters birth. For that, I needed to repent. God holds the stories of our lives... Mekonen's, Evie's, and any other future children He blesses us with, whether He has them arrive via adoption, c-section, or vaginally. Who the heck cares!!! 

Pregnancy and Birth do not "create" Motherhood. My children create Motherhood. And they each have a story to tell. My stories are my life lessons... and in the recent story of my daughter, I have learned a great lesson about family and Motherhood, no matter what road takes you there. I have learned to see Mother's Day with love and gratitude for my Mom, with a sensitive heart for the birthmothers of adoption, and the sadness Mother's Day can bring to those waiting for children to bless their homes, and for those longing for eternity when they can see their mothers again. 

Their stories are my life lessons. My children created Motherhood...

Referral-versary

Wow! Two years ago today, we saw our son's face for the first time! I still remember it like it was yesterday! But then again, it feels so long ago... like he's always been with us. I look at this picture and am reminded of the sorrow and the joy of adoption... all that is lost, and yet all that is gained. It's a difficult thing to "settle" in my mind. I'm not sure it will ever be truly settled... someone's indescribable pain and someone else's indescribable joy- all rolled into one.

This boy has blessed our lives more than my words can describe. The gift of his life is more incredible than I ever imagined!

2 years ago- Mekonen Jack

And today... (well, this pic is from January). My how he's grown!

And how fun would it be if we saw this new baby's face on this same day! Now that would be neat! I was secretly hoping for that... however, with only 8 hours left of March 26th, I highly, highly doubt that is going to happen (unless labor starts very soon and is extremely fast! probably not my luck!) haha. 

March- The Baby Month

Wow. March 1st! So far, March is our baby month (unless I go past my due date). We got our referral of Mekonen on March 26th and Baby #2 is due March 28th! What a special month for us. :) 

I have had a lot of thoughts running around in my head for months pertaining to my children and being a Mom. Things I'm not sure I can do justice with my words, but I will try. When we began the adoption process, I heard many people's opinions and thoughts on loving adopted children and biological children.   Some argued it's impossible to love a child who has been adopted as much as a biological child because of the lack of biology and not carrying the child in your belly. Many others said the love between the two is not less, but different. I do not mean to downgrade the real attachment struggles that some families encounter with their children, both adopted and biological (I know of families with attachment issues in both realms). So please hear my heart. It's just difficult when people automatically assume that it is and will be the case, simply due to something called DNA, biology, and pregnancy. I know attachment in both realms can be delicate and intricate, but I knew, well before Mekonen came home, that my love for this son of mine would not be less or different than the love I would have for a biological child. I held my son in my arms, he became a part of us, and I was certain.

The day I first held my son.

Previous to being pregnant with this baby, many might have argued that I haven't had a biological child yet so it was impossible for me to make such claims. But I did because they were true. And now, carrying our second child, for 9 months now, I can still make such claims because they are still 100% true. 

The love is not less or different. The only feeling I have is that of a mother's love. 9 months later, after the exciting news that we were expecting our second child, I am now, more than ever, convinced that blood has absolutely nothing to do with love and creating a family. I am incredibly grateful for adoption, for Ethiopia, for my son's birth parents, because without all of those things, I would not have my son. A son who could not by any biological means be any more mine than he is right now. 

There may still be hesitation on some people's minds to think, "Well, just wait until you birth and care for that child you are carrying. Then you will see it's different or less once they are here, in your arms." I can argue that to the ground as well. Ask any mom who has experienced a miscarriage or a stillborn child and see whether their love for that child was less because they hadn't been born and physically cared for yet. It's not less. I can without a shadow of a doubt say that my love for my two children is not different or less. It is a fierce, unconditional love I'm not sure I can put words to. I am so excited and in love with my two year old and this new baby - no matter how each child has joined our family. 

So in talking about this new baby! Another week down!
4 more to go!

36 weeks

(9 months)

(Sorry for the fuzzy shadow around me. I tried fixing it and it didn't work. Haha. I'm calling it... my husband will comment on my savvy photography skills).

• The only noticeable change from last week is that the past two days I have had non-stop tightening and a super hard belly. I'm not talking about starting and stopping tightness, but constant, all the time, can't get it to relax tightness. It's not necessarily painful, just super uncomfortable and I just feel exhausted. Well, not me, but my stomach feels exhausted. Like it has run its own marathon without my consent. Haha. Then last night the unending tightness made me start throwing up. Lovely. 
• I lost two pounds since last week, so I'm now back to so far gaining 21 lbs. total. 
• Baby's heart rate was between 137-140 today, almost ten lower than last time! 
• Cervix hasn't really changed, barely 1 cm! (haha, probably TMI, but wanting to record details for us). 

So here's to March!!! The baby month!!!

Positive Adoption Language

As a family being formed through adoption and biological birth, we welcome talk about adoption! Most adoptive families love talking about the ups and downs of adoption, but often times, words can have a strong meaning for an adoptive family (especially an adopted child). Therefore, here are some positive adoption language you can use while talking with an adoptive family or a child who has joined a family through adoption.

Question: Are you going to have children of your own?
Instead: Do you plan on having biological children too?

The phrase “your own” implies that a family's adopted child is not “their own” and automatically sets that child apart from the rest of the family. It implies that the genetic relationship is stronger and more true and that an adoptive relationship is cautious and possibly temporary. While we know this to not be true, it can be offensive to an adoptive family and devastating for an adopted child to hear. The words "my" and "own" are very personal, especially to a child. Something that is "their own" has powerful connotation in their world, and if they aren't hearing themselves as their parents "own" it can be confusing and painful. 

Question: Why did their parents give them away?

Instead: Why did their parents make an adoption plan for their child?

In using the phrase “give them away” it sounds as though the birth parent(s) didn’t care about their child and were “giving it away” as if it were an object and unimportant. However, despite many negative portrayals of birth families in the media, this is the farthest from the truth. It is an incredible, courageous act of love to make an adoption plan for a child, even under the most difficult circumstances. It is a plan for the child to have the best possible future they can, and is not “giving them away.”

Question: Where is he/she from?

Instead: Where was he/she born?

In using the phrase “where are they from” it implies it is a foreign, unfamiliar concept that someone would come from another place rather than where you are from. It can make the child feel like an outcast. Using the phrase "where were they born," helps instill a sense of pride in the child about their heritage and birth country.

Phrase: Mia is adopted.

Instead: We adopted Mia.

In using the phrase “is adopted” the child’s identity is stated as the fact that they are adopted. Adoption is a point in a time, a specific point when a child joins their forever family. From that point on, they are every bit as part of the family as if they were born biologically into the family.

Here are some other adoption terms you might hear and the positive way to say them instead. Positive adoption language helps to lessen the amount of adoption misconceptions in our society, and helps adopted children feel every bit a part of their family as their non-adopted siblings.

Negative Word/Phrase – Positive Word/Phrase

·      real parent – biological parent

·      adoptive parent – parent

·      keeping a child – parenting a child

·      foreign child – a child born in another country

·      available child – waiting child

·      reunion – meeting

“Respectful adoption language, however, is important. Just as in advertising we choose our words carefully to portray a positive image of the product we endorse (selling Mustangs rather than Tortoises, New Yorkers rather than Podunkers), and in politics we take great care to use terminology seen positively by the class or group of people it describes. Adoption is a beautiful and healthy way to form a family and a responsible and respectable alternative to other forms of family planning” (Patricia Johnston). Using positive adoption language can be a great encouragement to families touched by adoption.

Mekonen's 1st Gotcha Day!

August 21, 2009 was the first time we met Mekonen face to face in Ethiopia! We have chosen this day to celebrate his "Gotcha Day" (or Adoption Day). Wow! Has it really been one year already since I met this darling little boy in Ethiopia? I can't believe it. Wow! He sure has grown. We sure have grown. What an amazing year it has been!

Mekonen dressed in his traditional Ethiopian outfit to celebrate his special day! 

We celebrated Mekonen's day by going to an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner. It was so yummy! Mekonen chowed down the injera bread. Everyone who had their first try at Ethiopian food said they really liked it!

(Ignore my very awkward facial expression. Ha!)

After dinner we went back to our friends house for cake, some presents by our extremely thoughtful friends, and a very special video.

Cake!!!

Mekonen enjoying his Gotchda Day cake with Daddy. Definitely had to take the shirt off for that one.

I made a video lifebook of Mekonen's adoption story to show at his party. It was 25 minutes long. TV usually does not hold Mekonen's attention but he sat there staring at the screen the entire time, completely mesmerized!

Mekonen watching his video with Mommy.

All three of us watching the video.

Our friends the Urrutia's came to celebrate with us. Their little girl Macie was at the orphanage the same time as Mekonen!

We're blessed to have so many people who care a lot about us and our little family... and all those who weren't able to make it. We love you!

Our family of three... started one year ago!

And.... that sweet babe.

Why We Are Blessed

I've finally found words to describe my feelings and reactions to a very common phrase I hear in regards to our family. Often times, when people hear of how we adopted our first son from Ethiopia, they say, "He is so blessed!" This always bothered me in a strange way, one that I could never put words to. I know what people mean by the phrase and I don't necessarily think it's bad. Since I could never quite put my finger on it, my response has always been, "No, we're the ones who are blessed." But even though I knew that was the case, and knew what my heart was thinking, I couldn't put the words to why we are the ones who are blessed.

I am reading an incredible book called "Radical" by David Platt. A MUST READ!!  It talks about how we have confused the Gospel with the "American Dream."

God has designed a radically global purpose for our lives- for each and every individual Christian from businessmen, pastors, teachers, doctors, consultants, stay-at-moms, etc. We are to spend all of our lives to make much of God, to make his fame known. Too often, we spend our lives chasing "the American Dream" and making much of ourselves instead.

David Platt says in his book:

I have blessed you for my glory. Not so you will have a comfortable life with a big house, a nice car, and a safe, cozy neighborhood. Not so you can spend lots of money on vacations, education, or clothing. Those aren't bad things, but I've blessed you so that the nations will know me and see my glory!"

There is a great disconnect in our lives between God's blessing and God's purpose. If we are living in our cozy, safe neighborhoods, and attending church on the weekend, going to work and simply paying our bills and working to give our children "a nice life" we have completely missed the mark. We are completely UNFRUITFUL. God does not bless us so we can have all these things. God blesses us so that we can make much of him! So that we can make his fame known among the nations! "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you (Matthew 28:19)."

That's when it hit me. When the words came to what I've been feeling for so long. God HAS blessed us with Mekonen. But he blessed us so that we make much of him! God provided the money, the way, and the means for us to adopt Mekonen- not to satisfy our desire for a child, not to save children, not to simply grow our family, but to make much of God and to spread his fame because adoption is a physical picture of Jesus, saving us, to glorify himself.

Platt says it like this:

We have seen in Scripture a God of unusual, surprising, intimate passion for his people. But that passion does not ultimately center on his people. It centers on his greatness, his goodness, and his glory being made known globally among all people. And to disconnect God's blessing from God's global purpose it to spiral downward into an unbiblical, self-saturated Christianity that misses the point of God's grace.

We have unnecessarily and unbiblically drawn a line of distinction, assigning the obligations of Christianity to a few while keeping the privileges of Christianity for us all. In this way we choose to send off other people to carry out the global purpose of Christianity while the rest of us sit back because we're "just not called to that." 

God creates, blesses, and saves each one of us for a radically global purpose! What is YOUR radically global purpose? You are unfruitful and unbiblical if your answer simply includes going to church, raising "godly" children, living in a nice, safe neighborhood, and occasionally reaching out to the needy and the poor through "acts of goodness" that take little to no effort or long-term commitment from you.

So the question becomes, how are you impacting the world? "How will you join in the surprisingly simple journey of spreading the gospel to all nations by spending your life for the good of others and the glory of God (Platt)." How will you make much of Jesus?

An Official Oren

WOW!!! Exactly one year ago today we got the news of a lifetime... our case was heard in the Ethiopian courts and the judge signed and sealed our paperwork and Mekonen was offically ours FOREVER!!! I still can't believe it. I remember this day like it was yesterday. I can almost feel the nerves again that kept me up at night on the 28th, wondering what was happening in that courthouse in Ethiopia. I was so overjoyed when I got the news from our agency that I burst into tears. When I called my mom at work to tell her the news I was crying and she automatically thought bad news, we didn't pass. She goes, "Oh honey..." and I said, "No mom, we passed!!!!!" And then she said, "Don't scare me like that!" Ahhh, what a feeling! Pure bliss! Has it really been a year already? 


Check out the post from one year ago today with the good news and the introduction of our babe!

Here's what Mekonen was up to at this time last year, as he was "officially" becoming an Oren. He had no idea he'd be joining such a crazy family! He has adjusted quite well! ;) Hehe.  

My, how he has grown!

 

How Does the Heart Hold So Much?

Last night and today has been one of those times, where my son, his story, and adoption has pulled so fiercely on my heart strings I don't know that I can bear it. It's those times when I feel just a slice of all that has happened in his tiny little life and I feel like I can't think about it another minute, or I might break.

Last night was a difficult night for Mekonen...for us. We have not had many of these nights since he came home, thankfully. But when we do, it's gut wrenching. These are the nights when all of a sudden I hear my son crying, which he almost never does at night. But it's not the "I'm sick" cry, or the "I just got startled out of my sleep" cry. It's a cry like I've never heard before. It's the kind of cry that comes from a far away, very sad place. I just can't describe it, but it is the worst thing to watch our child experiencing a pain we can't touch, a pain we can't take away, a pain they don't even understand. The only thing I can do, is hold him while he experiences it, love him tenderly through it, and pray God uses it in his life in mighty ways.

During the adoption process we were told about the grieving process that even young infants and toddlers go through. We know the signs, we've been educated on what happens, and how to help them through it. But it never touched us fully until we saw it. Until Mekonen is crying and holding onto me so fiercely and is hard to settle back down to sleep.

Last night was one of those times. After lots of holding and soothing him, rocking him, talking to him, he settled and I could hear his slow, steady breathing again. But transitioning him back to his crib alone would put him back in that far away place again, where I felt I couldn't reach him. We took him into bed with us for a few hours. Any movement by me and he clung fiercely to me, starting to whimper, trying to put his cheek right against mine. It took him a few hours to get into a deep, calm sleep, where he was able to finally rest.

He woke up this morning, as happy as a clam, his face shining so bright, full of a laugh so hearty and real, as if nothing had ever happened. My son is incredible. One of the strongest little things I know. We rest confident that his life beginnings will be used by God in mighty ways. That even now, at a year and a half, God is crafting a courageous and bold heart, ready to be moved by nothing but the Holy Spirit. In everything, God is good.

Yep! It's Our Turn!

It's THAT post! The posts I remember seeing often in the adoption blog world while waiting to bring Mekonen home. The posts that said, "he's been with us longer than he's been anywhere else." At the time, I couldn't imagine FINALLY being at that point.

Well finally! It's our turn to say! As of April 29, 2010 Mekonen has been with us longer than he has been anywhere else! I have been putting off writing this post because several times when I sat down to write it, I just couldn't find the words to describe all that my heart is feeling. I still can't put it into words. Although this milestone in our new family is an exciting one for us, one that feels "official" in some sort of way, it makes me sad as well. Mekonen's birth family, birth country, culture, and language feel like they are slipping away, being "replaced" by something completely different. Although we are keeping close connections with Ethiopian culture by way of Ethiopian friends, Ethiopian get togethers, and other adopted Ethiopian kids, nothing is the same as the way things in life are supposed to be.

Our lives this year with Mekonen have been incredible! This little boy has completely stolen my heart and is forever entwined with every part of my being. I just cannot describe it. I was thinking today about what I thought my life would be like when I was a little girl. I was obsessed with playing dolls and house and my friends and I would plan out how many kids we were going to have and what their names would be. For the longest time I was going to have 3 sets of twins: a set of boys, a set of girls, and a set of boy/girl twins. Hilarious! And they were all going to have names that start with A:  Amanda, Alyssa, Angelina, Alexander and Andrew (I can't remember the third boy name).

I also always knew I would adopt. It's as if it were a part of my soul from the beginning. My friend Kim asked me yesterday what in my life lead me to a heart for orphans and a heart for adoption. I can't remember a specific situation, or the recognition of a specific child or country that spurred my heart on towards adoption. It was just always there. I remember sometimes crying myself to sleep at night as a child because there were so many kids with no families, and on top of that, what if something happened to my parents, I would become an orphan. I couldn't bear the thought of it, of being alone. I didn't want anyone to experience that. I used to have trouble falling asleep after watching Cinderella as a kid. I couldn't get it out of mind that she was an orphan. That she was alone. That she was scared, without anyone to call her own, that she was taken advantage of. I knew that someday, in some way, I would help. I would be a part of the solution, even if it only made a "small" dent in this huge world.

My Mom, Grandma and I were talking tonight about all the letters I would write to my parents as a kid. I would be telling them that we have a family, and lots of kids don't and they should adopt one so they can have a family. I think my Dad might've saved them and I really want to re-read them. I'm sure they would be funny in my little kid language and handwriting.

Adoption for us is not about "saving children," but about building our family and practicing what we know to be true more than anything else... Jesus. Being His hands and His feet in a world where we are called to reconciliation. After sin entered the world, it will never be the same until Jesus returns again to make a new heaven and earth. Until then, we are called to be ministers of reconciliation, working to restore things as close as possible to the way they are supposed to be, knowing full well, the completion of this is impossible until Jesus returns. I always knew my heart was to be a mother, but I never knew it would be this incredible.

Guest Blogger- Birthmothers

For some added spice to our blog, we've decided to incorporate various "guest bloggers" from time to time, on any topic, in any category! If you have an idea, let me know! And now... Embracing Ethiopia's first guest blogger!!!

When I tell people I am a counselor for pregnant women making an adoption plan for their unborn child, I often get the response, “Wow, I could never give up my child,” somehow implying these mothers are just looking for a way out.  I take issue with that sentiment.  In these women, I have seen some of the purest displays of motherly love.  It is that very love which allows these women to make such a painful decision.

To watch a birthmother leave the hospital without a baby is to witness the most gut-wrenching pain.  Signing a paper that states your parental rights will be terminated is one of the scariest and hardest things a mother could do.  I often get the comment, “Your job must be so rewarding,” but to be present with a mother in a time like this is often not rewarding.  I cannot explain what it is like to watch a mother lose her child.  Her child is not “unwanted.”  On the contrary, she wants her child more than anything in the world.  But she makes a painful, selfless decision in the best interest of her child.

Birthmothers are my heroes.  They are the strongest, most courageous people I have ever met. To dishonor them by believing they are all “crack-addicts” and asking “why didn’t they use protection?” (I have actually heard these statements) makes my stomach churn.  The truth is they aren’t all crack addicts, and most of the mothers with whom I’ve come in contact did use protection.  But this is beside the point; a child has been conceived and this child is loved.  By choosing adoption these mothers are making the most loving decision they can for their child. 

What about children who have been abused or abandoned?  Of that I think no differently. Every mother loves her child.  I have seen abuse, neglect, and abandonment, and I still believe that every mother loves her child.  Sometimes it is hard to understand love in these terms, but it is real.  No matter the circumstance, I believe every mother loves her child.  I have been to Haiti and Guatemala and have cared for orphans and heard horror stories of their pasts. I have worked in foster care and seen the abuse that takes place in the United States.  I am no stranger to the horrible things that happen to children, and I believe it is all horrible and evil.  I believe behind every abused child are parents who have been unloved.  They show their children love the only way they know how:  by repeating what has happened to them.   Thankfully, these children do not have to withstand the abuse, or be orphans forever.  They can be adopted into a loving home where they are taught how to love and be loved.

My prayer is that no matter the avenue God chooses to place children in homes, these children would know that were and are loved.  I am so excited for the day when I may get to meet a child whose birthmother I knew.  I cannot wait to tell these children how much their birthmothers love them and what an amazingly loving decision they made for them.  I cannot wait to tell them what I saw and experienced as their mother left the hospital empty-handed, but full of hope of a new life for her child.

My plea is simple, please do not forget these mother’s and please do not believe the negative things society has taught us to believe about them.  To take the words from a woman who has taught me everything I know about birthmothers, I leave you with this statement: “Birthmothers are woman in crisis and daughters of our Lord who are making an unbelievable selfless choice to place their child in an adoptive home.  They are not their poor judgment, their appearance, or sometimes demanding nature.  They are their child’s mother and their love for their child is stronger than you or I can understand or imagine."

Our guest blogger suggests checking out this article, Why I Love My Daughter's Mother.

In light of Mother's Day coming up next month, I have been thinking of a special tradition we can do in our family to honor Mekonen's birthmom. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Ethiopian Outfit Photo Shoot!!

While we were here in PA, our great friend Joanna did a photo shoot of Mekonen in his traditional Ethiopian outfit. Too bad Daddy missed the photo shoot. He is at home in Indiana because of work. Mekonen can finally fit into the outfits we bought in Ethiopia and he looked so cute!  I also have a cream colored outfit with dark red designs, but I liked the blue one best. Here are some of the pics! (There are A LOT). Thank you Jo! You are amazing!!! (I guess there are so many pics on here you have to click "read more" at the bottom of the last picture. Weird).

One Year Ago Today...

we got a call at 7:39pm that changed our lives forever. It was the call telling us about our son! It's a day we will never forget and one that will remain very special to us. To read the original post of our referral, including some funny and excited videos of us telling our families, click here.

That Thursday night we opened our email to the first glimpse of our teeny tiny boy, just 6 lbs at 3 1/2 months.

And here he is today...one year later... 26.13 lbs. and 31 inches long. 

 I can't believe how much he has changed! 

He has grown so much and is learning new things by the day! 

It was a long 5 months before bringing Mekonen home in August of 2009. For the first 8 months of his life, our son's care was entrusted to others. We had no control over his well-being or his care. From that, I think we learned early on how much our children are not our own, biological or adopted. They are "on loan" to us from God to love, nurture, and raise to serve and worship Jesus. We pray daily for our son, that he will grow up to love Jesus, to be a leader, a protector, and a courageous fighter. 

We love you Mekonen and can't imagine our lives without you!

These Are The Days...

...I am going to miss the most when he's grown. 

As I put my sweet little babe to bed at his Grandma's house the other night, he fell asleep so quickly and looked so peaceful. His face was so tender and his breathing soft and steady. I laid there and stared at him for the longest time (before falling asleep for a few minutes myself). I kept thinking back to his life before us, to Ethiopia, to his birth family, to the tragedy he experienced at such a young age. My mind was flooded yet again with questions and concerns about how to raise our son to be confident, to understand the sorrow of life in light of Jesus. It seems like an impossible task. I often ask myself, "Will he be able to stare his tragedy in the face and embrace it as his story? Will he filter it all through the love of Jesus and boldy and confidently stand strong in who he is?" So many thoughts, so many questions. So many things I simply cannot protect him from no matter how hard I try. So my solution to all of this? Jesus. We will constantly and continually strive to show him Jesus: who Jesus is, what He has done for us, what He means to our everyday life, what He means to who we are individually, what He means to our everyday life, complete with its joys and sorrows. That is the answer to it all... the solution we find comfort and rest in... Jesus.