Lots of Celebrations!

We celebrated quite a few things over the last week and we are EXHAUSTED, but it has been a wonderful time! We celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary on July 4th, celebrated independence day, and had the Oren family reunion.

Jon's Dad has 6 siblings and they grew up on a large farm here in Indiana about 35 minutes from us. The farm is still in production today by his Uncle Greg. It is a great place and I absolutely love that my kids are growing up with frequent visits to the family farm. It's beautiful and has the kind exploring I want my kids to fall in love with.

So here's a little of what we've been up to.

Happy 4th of July

My two babes

I love family gatherings of all kinds. It's always fascinating to me how entire generations and legacies come from two people. Here is Jon's dad (bottom left) and his siblings, minus one who couldn't attend. Their parents, Jack and Nellie, died in a plane crash before all their children's families and grandchildren were created. In the next two pictures is Jon's Great Uncle John and Great Aunt Mary. Uncle John and his wife Aunt Mary basically took over care and oversight of Jon's Dad and his siblings after their parents passed away. They are amazing. They have done a great job keeping the family together. Their lake house is the one we get the opportunity to visit during the summers. 

Evie and her Great-Great Uncle John. She sure loves him. It's because he spoils her so much. 

 Evie waltzin' around with her Great-Great Aunt Mary who was showering her with attention and Evie was lovin' it! 

Uncle Greg, Mekonen, and Owen. He's the oldest sibling and the one running the Oren farm. He is one of my FAVORITE Orens. :) 

All the older cousins and their spouses. So Jack and Nellie's grandchildren. There are 22. Not all were there. 

All the younger cousins, 12 of the 16. 

(All the children of the cousins above).

There were so many childhood memories made this weekend....

catching fireflies...

(with cousin Gillian)

hayrides...

a cousins campout night...

(with cousin Travis)

kickball....

(with Aunt Joan, who has 3 grandchildren and was running around like crazy!)

(with Owen and Helena)

fishing...

(with Boppy and Gillian, and Mekonen in his pajamas)

swinging on the tire swing....

(that's been there since Jon was a kid)

exploring....

non-stop running around....

movie and commercial making....

(i know, I know, it's an Oren gathering thing.haha).

a whole lot of missed naps and late bedtimes...

(Evie saying, "sh, sh, sh" THOSE LIPS!!!)

and just hanging with those we love...

(and for Evie, that's the babies!!!)

The 4 immediate cousins on my kids' Oren side.

Mekonen, Evie, Joy, and Owen

So here's to a fantastic weekend with those we love!

Happy 4th of July!

The Real Anniversary Status

Here we are...it's our 8th wedding anniversary! I chuckle to myself thinking of all the many facebook posts that get posted on one's wedding anniversary. I chuckle for many reasons, one, because not too long ago, I would've been writing one of those sappy facebook posts, and two, because everyone everywhere who is married to someone who breathes laughs to themselves as they read those posts because all they want to do is call the authenticity police and have a shake down.  I'm not saying that there aren't great marriages and that husbands and wives aren't our best friends, etc, etc. So before you accuse me of that, keep reading, because I love my husband dearly and he knows that I'm stuck to his side and committed to being his friend and lover for as long as I walk this earth.

Normally, my "wedding post" would probably consist of only the positives of the past 8 years, or only the lovey feelings I have for my husband. Those things aren't bad. They're good actually. But the majority of our growth in Jesus personally and as a couple has come about through the really hard parts. The parts most people don't speak of for lots of varied reasons. The parts that people don't tell you about when you're young, in love, and walking down the aisle in a haze of romance, with a deep conviction that we will somehow be different and escape the broken world we live in.

So here we are, we've arrived at 8 years of marriage together and we have learned some crazy, hard, raw, and real lessons. Because I'm a recovering perfectionist (a.k.a. prideful sinner who thinks I can muster up enough will power and strength to do anything), I walked down the aisle assuming my marriage wouldn't be one that needs the regular rescue of grace. Sure, maybe from time to very far away time, but regularly? No. Not us, not me. We got this thing. Sure I knew we needed God's help, and I truly was walking with the Lord and seeking Him, but I certainly did not live life in the middle, where life actually is. You see, we live life between the already and the not yet. (The already being the fact that God sent Jesus to rescue sinners and has given us His Holy Spirit, and the not yet being the fact that although we have the Holy Spirit we are not yet perfectly complete like Jesus and the world in which we live is not yet fully restored). "We live in a world that is terribly broken and terribly sad. And unfortunately, our marriages will not escape its brokenness. We live with flawed people and our marriages will not be protected from those flaws" (Paul Tripp). So in that aspect alone, that's where the facebook posts about the cheesy, so not authentic, posts about marriages and anniversaries rub people the wrong way. Because marriages cannot and do not escape the broken world we live in, maybe we would walk through our brokenness a little bit better, and see redemption a little bit quicker, if authenticity became the name of the game and we rallied around marriages and families in real ways. One's fears about "what will people think of me if I and our marriage does not appear perfect?" Well, chances are they will think nothing, because their's isn't perfect either. They will gladly welcome you to join the rest of humanity and receive love, grace, and support from those who walk life with you.

We live in the middle of a world that does not function the way God intended it to be. In our 8 years of marriage, we have been touched deeply by the brokenness of our world. Sometimes it's the hassle of a broken world in general, work is hard, providing is hard, raising a family is hard. Sometimes it's dealing with the destructive things each and every person who breathes brings into their marriages that get in the way of what a marriage is supposed to be and do. Sometimes it's facing major issues that have altered the course of your life and marriage. Sometimes it's just the little daily disappointments of life. Sometimes it's dealing with things we would never have planned for ourselves or our family. Sometimes it's grieving a significant loss.

We all face the same things, in varying degrees at varying times in our lives, and at our 8 year mark, we have only just begun to live rightly in that middle place, and to grasp the daily rescue of grace and the healing balm of the Gospel. You see, we often accept the Gospel on the day of our salvation, and then practically reject it in our daily lives. This is new to us and 8 years marks a turning point for us in really knowing and understanding how the Gospel affects every aspect of DAILY life, including our marriage.

The Gospel teaches us that our identity is in Jesus, not our spouse, not our marriage, not our kids, not our achievements, not our possessions, or anything else we can come up with. Because of the Gospel, we are "in Christ." The blessings that flow from that are innumerable, but the one that has had paramount impact on our marriage in recent times is that in Christ, at every given moment, we are eternally loved and genuinely significant. This turns our marriage into one of ministry…where we have the privilege to love, serve, and profoundly influence our spouse in a way that makes them more like Jesus. I could write pages and pages alone on this very paragraph, and illustrate very practical real life ways this has changed our marriage, but it would make this blog post massive. Maybe a future post!

So all in all, my point being, we love our spouses, our marriages, our families. But we also live in a fallen world, desperately fallen ourselves, and married to fallen people. But we need not fear. We need not fear others' opinions of us and we need not fear the authenticity that would astound people with its freedom. We need not live in a social media world where we craft our world to appear the way we wish it did in a perfect world. Marriage is hard. Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is an all out war for the glory of God. Marriage is the incredible privilege to walk out the broken road of life with one person- in all the twists and turns of "for better or worse." So fear not when you find yourself amid the brokenness of this world and in the brokenness of the sinners who dwell in it. Live openly in community and allow God to use others as an agent of grace in your life, and allow God to use you as that agent in others' lives too. God is with us, and works out these grievous things that will result in good things, as God defines good, in and through us. We are not alone. God is near. "So when you are sinned against or when the fallen world breaks your door down, don't lash out or run away. Stand in your weakness and confusion and say, 'I'm not alone. God is with me, and He is faithful, powerful, and willing" (Paul Tripp). For we have a God, who sent his Son Jesus to rescue us from our lowly state and is on a mission to redeem and restore mankind. This is the Gospel.

By God’s incredible grace in our lives, we are working on leaving a Gospel legacy, not just making it to the end, still married. Leaving a spiritual legacy, especially one laced with the very story of the Gospel- of sin, forgiveness, restoration, and glory to God, is what matters most. It’s our glorious mess. We give praise to the Lord for His mercy and faithfulness…for allowing our story to be a story of God’s grace in our lives. A story that's still being written that our children will one day see as an example of the Gospel of Jesus in real life. One that we pray will give them hope and strength as they walk out their days seeking to truly know, love, and serve Jesus.

So without further ado, my social media anniversary "status" has moved from....

"Happy 8th anniversary to the most incredible, amazing husband who ever walked the face of the earth and our life is always awesome. Every year is better than the last, and WE.ARE.PERFECT."

to....

"It's been 8 years since I vowed to walk with this guy for the rest of my days. It hasn't been easy, and every subsequent year is not necessarily better than the last. Sure we've had many great times, but we've had a lot of really hard times, and not just "us against the world and its badness" but us against each other, my sin and his. I no longer trust in the fluffy Hallmark cards and romance induced posts about life being perfect! Because guess what, it's not. Instead, we are finally coming into a sturdier, more mature love that is finally basking in the glory of the Gospel, and the DAILY rescue of grace, and boy does that feel sooooo good. If you haven't experienced this kind of status, maybe everyone else is awesome and we aren't. And if that's the case, oh well! We are what we are... sinners saved by grace, and fumbling through life together. Sometimes nailing it on the head and cheering joyfully as we experience the incredible privilege of loving another human being. And sometimes, we are so far off base, lost in our own pursuit of idols that we create a chasm between us that ends in pain and a sudden need to yell profanity. But either way, this is the guy I want to do both with."

And might I just add, we stand here at year 8, with an overwhelmingly amazing group of Christian friends who take community seriously, who take marriage and family seriously. A church community that is really coming into what it means to walk life on life with each other. At the start of our wedding anniversary week, close friends gathered around us at our home, to give praise to the Lord for His work in our lives, to lay hands on us and pray for us and our legacy. Now that's pretty cool.

To God be the glory great things He has done. 

Some "New" Old Pictures of Our Schoolhouse!

We got to see some "new" old pictures of our house last week! Our neighbor Harry, who is 94, attended school in our house, as well as his mother, aunts, and uncles. While we were swimming in his pool one afternoon, he came out with two very old photo albums. He was so happy and excited to share the pictures. For now, I was only able to take pictures of them with my phone so the quality isn't super great. We are hoping to get them scanned, digitally fixed, and then find a place to hang them in our house. I mean really, who can say they have pictures of their house from the early 1900's! :) 

This is actually the first school building on our property. This sat right on top of our garden area by the detached garage. It was a one room building and school was in session from 1885-1916. Then in 1916 it was knocked down and our house was built and became the new school building. 

Here's the school students from 1899-1900. The teacher was Charles Todd and they called him Chaz. 

This picture below is the class from 1906-1907. The teacher on the right side was Harrison Anderson. The boy on the bottom left in the first row is Harry's Uncle Doc Davis. Another uncle is last on the top right. And his mom Clora (they called her Cloe) is the first girl on the right in the 2nd to the top row. 

This is our house in the background. Harry's Grandmother Hattie is on the left, his Grandfather Arthur in the middle, and a friend Bertha on the right. The picture was taken in June of 1920 and at this time the school was a 2 room building. The school was called the Epworth School District #6 of Stoneycreek Township

This is a friend Lillian in front of the school in 1917. This is our front door, except we no longer have that neat school looking front door in the center. (The two side doors are still there). I really want to find a way to replicate that. 

This picture actually looks much better on my phone. It keeps showing up really dark here. 

Harry's Grandfather Arthur on the left, friends Bertha and Lilian in the middle, and his Grandmother Hattie on the far right. Taken in 1916. A better shot of our front door and the plaque on the bottom left of the entry that states the school name and date. We so wish that was still there, but it was removed sometime in the 30's we believe. 

This is a picture of Harry's Aunt Ginnie who is on the front of the horse, and her friend Martha, riding to school on a horse! This is the backside of our house. 

And a sweet picture of Harry when he was a boy around the time he started school in our house!

Harry and his sweet wife Sue are still married and live next door! They will be celebrating their 64th wedding anniversary this August!

A Change in Us, A Change in Parenting

Life has been a whirlwind the last two years...so much growth and so much change in our life. Grace and the Gospel is the driving force in ways we've never experienced before. We are seeing more and more how the Gospel is for every single aspect of our life, not just the day of our salvation. One area of focus, among many, that has changed a lot is our parenting.

Many Christian circles focus heavily on "well-behaved children." It is often a status symbol, a parent ranking system, an indicator of success or failure on the parents part. This was totally me. I know that my children cannot be good on their own, and that their own goodness is like filthy rags to God, and that the only goodness that counts is Jesus' goodness. But I'm realizing more and more that I don't always parent this way. That's what I believe, but I parent like the "law" (rules, and good behavior) will save them.

 So through much work in our hearts by the Holy Spirit in our personal lives, we have begun to forge a new road in our parenting- one that is based on Jesus and the Gospel. In our earlier years of parenting (I know, it's only been a whopping 4 years so far), we were much more focused on the outward obedience and training aspect. Part of that is the age...not many heart conversations happen with your 18 month old as they are simply learning to listen to your voice and obey, and that early training is vital for many reasons. So don't get me wrong, children need to obey and they need to obey immediately. They need to understand the right authority in their life. We don't disagree with this one bit. But when the sole purpose of discipline is to simply "get them to obey," we have missed the mark in ways that may affect our children for the rest of their lives.

We have been learning so much about the law and grace, and it has changed a lot of our parenting: how we talk about the Bible, how we correct, how we instruct, and the goals we have as parents. Here are the two kinds of parenting we've been discussing...working out of the law driven parenting, and moving into the grace driven parenting. We by NO MEANS have this figured out. Most days we are fumbling around for words to the Gospel centered instruction, and other days, we are living our own lives out of the law, which makes us unable to parent out of grace. We fail daily, and we fumble around, but we also see glimpses of the beauty of the Gospel making its way into the heart of our family. We so do not have this together, so please do not take our passion for these truths as an assumption that we have it altogether and know exactly what we are doing. Because we don't! :)

(Side note: the majority of these ideas, thoughts, and some direct quotations come from my favorite parenting book Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick. My words and descriptions are interwoven with the author's. To direct quote was nearly impossible bc every other sentence I added some things, took some things out, etc. But the major ideas are hers. I've just put them into two categories of law driven parenting and grace driven parenting). 

Law Driven Parenting

• Has the goal of well-behaved children
• Reads the Bible as a moral codebook and simply sees a lot of lists that say "do this" and a lot of lists that say "don't do that." 
• Transforms the stories of the Bible into moral stories as a way to compel obedience.
• Takes lists in the Bible out of context such as the fruit of the spirit, and make a plan, a system of rewards and consequences to get our children to model gentleness, kindness, patience, love, etc. 
• We require (not instruct, train, and teach), but require religious obedience. "You must close your eyes and bow your head because we are praying." "You will stand up and sing the songs during worship at church." We panic thinking that if we can just get them to look right on the outside, it will somehow seep into their hearts and change them. 
• Reward systems for good behavior, and a "demerit" system for bad behavior
• Praise for obedience and scolding for disobedience
• Concerned with how our children look and what people will think of them and us
• Sees obedience and conformity to Christian rules as the goal of parenting
• Has an unbiblical and unhealthy view of their role as a parent. Good parenting in=good children out. They often feel like their child's salvation is directly tied to their ability to be consistent and faithful. 

Grace Driven Parenting

• The stories of the Bible are not for teaching moral lessons, but are about God's grace through Jesus and the Gospel.
• The Bible is about God's mercy and his ability to save souls, and use us even when we disobey. It's not about our obedience.
• Directs them to their need for Jesus and thankfulness to God. 
• When they fail to obey, instead of simply employing harsh consequences to "get them to obey," we give them the Gospel. "We tell them that no matter what, they cannot keep God's law and that Jesus kept it perfectly for them. And we thank God that their relationship with him isn't built on their obedience, but on Jesus' obedience."
• "When they do obey, (if the child is a Christian) you thank God because they were able to do so because Jesus has given them His Holy Spirit." 
• "When they do obey, (and they are not a Christian) we remind them that God is more powerful than sin and is strong enough to make us want to do the right thing."
• This does not mean that there aren't consequences. But the motivation is different, the conversation is different, and the desired outcome is different. 
• Trains children in religious obedience- grace driven parenting teaches children about the Bible, teaches them about God and His works, prays with them, and brings them to church. But it does not force outward conformity to religious behaviors (such as praying, singing, etc), which just teaches them that the actions of Christianity (what's on the outside) is what matters. Grace driven parenting "does not assume outward conformity to religious exercises as proof of being a Christian." 
• Instead of praise for their obedience and goodness, we praise God's goodness. "I noticed you shared your toys! I'm so thankful for God's working in your life that way. I know that neither of us would ever do anything kind if God wasn't helping us." This praises the only right goodness- the goodness of Jesus- and reinforces the fact that we have no goodness on our own (which is the Gospel)! It's literally ALL by God's grace and goodness to us.
• Has a Biblical and healthy view of their role as a parent. That they love, nurture, train, and discipline with faith in the Lord's ability to transform hearts, NOT in their ability to be consistent or faithful. 
• The goal of parenting is that "their children are drawn by the Holy Spirit to put their faith in the goodness of Jesus." It's not a focus on becoming good, or even on becoming a "better, "more holy" Christian.

These are the two kinds of parenting we are working through....working out of one and into the other. Although it seems a bit "vague," grace driven parenting is specific and intentional and I'll hopefully be able to share what we are learning about religious obedience, consequences, teaching the Bible in a Gospel centered way, and others. It's not as "vague" as it sounds. Remember, as fallen, sinful humans, our default is our own righteousness...our default is to desire to have some glory in our goodness. So we are comfortable with rules and law driven parenting because it provides a very structured system of do's and don't's. It's "easy" to follow and often black and white. But its result is inherently evil because it attempts to deny our need for a Savior, and puts us on the throne of our own glory. The law can't make us good, and it can't make our children good either. Only Jesus and His grace can do that.

A Super-Hero Super-Dad Father's Day

It hasn't been easy putting this family together, and we are amazed at God's grace, mercy, and kindness. I'm thankful today for Jon and how he's actively pursuing Jesus' heart, my heart and the hearts of his children. We love you and want to say thanks for being a Super-Dad! 

We went all out this year for Father's Day, inspired by Mekonen's new love of Super-Heroes and did a

Super-Hero Super-Dad surprise party for Daddy. I've decided that I want our kids to remember celebrating life, even the "small" things like Father's Day. So why not throw a fun little party with cute decorations? Kids loooove stuff like that, and for as long as I'm able in the craziness of life, I'd like to make a big deal out of little things throughout their childhood. It's what memories are made of.

I am, by nature, a crafter. I absolutely love making things, putting them together, and seeing a final product! This doesn't go for all categories of crafts and creativity. It definitely does NOT include crafts that entail furniture, saws, nails, or measuring units, but party decorations are some of my favorite! I didn't digitally create this set (although that is a desire of mine if I can get my hands on photoshop for dirt cheap). So instead I got them printed and cut, and then used them for all sorts of things. (Some for their intended purpose, and others, I got creative with). 

Jon's one and only small gift this Father's Day (sorry babe, haha). One of his favorite summer beers decorated in our Super-Hero Dad theme.

A small table with decorations.

A close-up of the printable, custom made by my photoshop savvy friend Jenn. I laugh whenever I read this quote because it actually reminds me of my Dad. If I would've been up on the idea of a superhero as a kid, I hands-down would've labeled, declared, and shouted from the roof tops, that my Dad was indeed, a super-hero. I bragged about my Dad all the time as a kid...mostly at school or with the neighborhood bullies...you know, the classic lines, "Oh yeah? Well, MY DAD can turn lights on just by snapping his fingers!" (And I WHOLEHEARTEDLY believed that, probably much too far into my childhood for what would be age appropriate). He would snap his fingers in the car and the dome light would turn on. We'd all scream, and cheer, and belly laugh. Little did we know, he was turning the knob on the far left dashboard with the other hand that no one could see! Haha. 

And for kicks, here's a pic of me and first and true hero... a really amazing Dad is the kind of hero no one can take the place of, no matter how great they are! 

A close-up of the newspaper hero article in the above picture. Made by my friend Cristy. Amazing. 

Cake!! The kids were confused. They saw the cake and insisted it was Daddy's Super-Hero birthday party and wanted to know where all the presents were.

 The party scene

 I loved these. Water bottles and table confetti!

Close-up of the banner

 Daddy's special seat, complete with a Superman cup that Mekonen picked out. 

These little cards said things like "Super-Dad," "You're My Superhero" etc.

Close-up of the pictures on the table. A big thank you to my friend Allie for helping me with the pictures!

Boppy, Grandma Magz, and Uncle Jeremy came for lunch!

 Cutie pa-tootie 

Boppy and his kiddos. 

(Oops, forgot to lighten this up. But cute nonetheless!)

 Daddy day snuggles

 (Seriously, how did Evie get blonde hair?)

After party re-arranged decorations to stick around for a few days.

It's not easy leading our crazy crew, it's not easy being the head, it's not easy to lead one's wife and children in a way that draws them to the heart of Jesus, but by God's grace, Jon is running hard in its pursuit. I'm thankful to be walking the ups and downs with him. Thanks for being SUPER! ;)