4.18.2009

Quiet Thoughts

Our sweet baby boy, Mekonen Jack, has truly captured our hearts. I dream about him several times a week and think about him all day long at work. Most of the time, I am feeling super positive and excited about everything, but then there are days like today, where I feel sad. So sad that I'm watching my babe grow up in pictures. For some reason it really hit me this morning...that his little, tiny, 2 month self will soon be 3 months, then 4 months, then 5, then probably about 6 when he comes home. He will look and be so different in just those few short months. We got new pictures of Mekonen last week from a traveling family who returned home and it was the greatest boost to my day! Truthfully, I check snapfish about once a day to see if any new families have posted pictures. A new picture is usually just what I need! :)

It's really quiet at home right now. I'm supposed to be doing work for grad. school, and Jon is coaching baseball, but I am so distracted by this little man so far away in Ethiopia. Adoption is an amazing, but yet complex thing. Through much sorrow and sadness, comes another's joy and celebration. There are moments, when it's quiet like this, that I grieve in my heart for our son. That I feel the full weight of what he has experienced and lost in his short life already... the loss of being able to be raised by his birth family, in his birth country. But then there's the other side.. he is joining our family, forever, as our son, and what a crazy, insane amount of love we already have for him. Wow. The morning after we received our referral, I cried the whole way to work. The grief over our son's loss was so real, so heavy. And how do you deal with that, while, at the same time, you are rejoicing & celebrating, and would label the moment we saw his face as one of the happiest moments in our lives. Wow, talk about complex.

All I know, is that God is completely sovereign. That God values life and the blessing of children. That before the world began, he knew of all these things, he knew of Mekonen Jack who is forever ours. I can't sort out the complexities of adoption, but I can experience them as a gift from God and as a picture of how God has chosen to adopt us into His family.

6 comments:

Schauble Family said...

Beautiful post!

Joshua and Lydia Rich said...

Congrats on Mekonen Jack! He will be home with you before you know it! (his name is super cute, too...good choice)

Donovan and Julie said...

I know just what you mean--the joy and grief intertwined. You stated it so well. And don't forget the emotional exhaustion from it all (sometimes I find myself laughing and crying at the same time--what a nut job I am becoming)! Prayers for our babies who are going through so much...prayers for us mommies who are waiting to bring them home! :)

Amy said...

yes yes a beautiful post!

Flinn said...

uhhhhhh rachael, you have such a beautiful heart - and such a wisdom to go with it. I love love love reading your blog and hearing about what's the latest is with your little muchie mekonen. such a blessing! I am prrrraaaaayyyyyinnggg hard hard hard for you guys . . . that these last months of waiting will go quickly and you will get that peace that passes understanding as it is so hard to wait for your little one! love you!

Nicole(Jewell)Reichard said...

I'm sure you know that my roommate in college Rani was adopted from India as a baby. I will never forget finding out about the circumstances behind her ending up in an orphanage and her journey that landed her with a Christian family in the US. There was a mission back then that told women that were too poor to take care of their babies to leave them on a basket at their front door and the mission would come by and take the babies to the orphanage with no questions asked kind of a thing. Rani was one of those babies that was picked up. I cry every time I talk about it...I just can't even fathom how different her life would have been had it not been for those people that picked her up or if her family had never adopted her. She is such an amazing girl and has lived such a great life. I think about how God orchestrated her adoption from before the time she was even born and how much He loved her to put her in such a great home. Your son's story I'm sure will be just as incredible and he will always know that God had a hand in his life from the time he was born to bring him into your lives. He is so blessed to be getting such awesome parents! I can't even tell you how happy I am for you guys! Keep the updates coming! I love reading them!