Our sweet baby boy, Mekonen Jack, has truly captured our hearts. I dream about him several times a week and think about him all day long at work. Most of the time, I am feeling super positive and excited about everything, but then there are days like today, where I feel sad. So sad that I'm watching my babe grow up in pictures. For some reason it really hit me this morning...that his little, tiny, 2 month self will soon be 3 months, then 4 months, then 5, then probably about 6 when he comes home. He will look and be so different in just those few short months. We got new pictures of Mekonen last week from a traveling family who returned home and it was the greatest boost to my day! Truthfully, I check snapfish about once a day to see if any new families have posted pictures. A new picture is usually just what I need! :)
It's really quiet at home right now. I'm supposed to be doing work for grad. school, and Jon is coaching baseball, but I am so distracted by this little man so far away in Ethiopia. Adoption is an amazing, but yet complex thing. Through much sorrow and sadness, comes another's joy and celebration. There are moments, when it's quiet like this, that I grieve in my heart for our son. That I feel the full weight of what he has experienced and lost in his short life already... the loss of being able to be raised by his birth family, in his birth country. But then there's the other side.. he is joining our family, forever, as our son, and what a crazy, insane amount of love we already have for him. Wow. The morning after we received our referral, I cried the whole way to work. The grief over our son's loss was so real, so heavy. And how do you deal with that, while, at the same time, you are rejoicing & celebrating, and would label the moment we saw his face as one of the happiest moments in our lives. Wow, talk about complex.
All I know, is that God is completely sovereign. That God values life and the blessing of children. That before the world began, he knew of all these things, he knew of Mekonen Jack who is forever ours. I can't sort out the complexities of adoption, but I can experience them as a gift from God and as a picture of how God has chosen to adopt us into His family.