Since being home with our son for almost 2 months now, we have had mostly positive comments from people when we are out. A few times I've had to nicely rephrase people's questions, which is fine, and will probably continue for the rest of our lives. For example, "Are you going to have your own kids?" to which I nicely rephrase as, "If you mean biological children, then yes, we would like to have some biological children as well as adopt again." Usually once I say that, they understand how their phrasing "your own kids" would sound to an adopted child.
But, two specific issues recently have really floored me. The first was a stranger, some lady I didn't even know. She came up to me and asked where he was from. I smiled and said, "He was born in Ethiopia." She said, "His skin is so beautiful." I said, "Yes, it is!" To which this lady said, "Because you know, some of them are really dark." What? Did she actually just say that? I can't imagine the look of shock and disgust that was on my face. I calmly said, "Actually, I have never seen an ugly Ethiopian." To which she said, "Oh, well I didn't mean they were ugly." And I said, "well, they are actually some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen." Then I gathered up my son and walked away. Are you serious? What if Mekonen was old enough to understand that? It still gets me fired up just thinking about it.
This issue has happened more than once since being home, and specifically a few times in the last couple of weeks. People come up to me and comment about the possible love difference a mom would have for an adopted child, and as they say, "her own child." I hate this conversation. I have been in love with my son before I even set my eyes on him. And, since seeing his face, and touching his skin to mine, I have a fierce love for him that no one can tell me is any different than if I carried him in my womb and gave birth to him myself. Even after trying to explain this to people, I have them still arguing with me and saying I wouldn't know because I have no "kids of my own." I just want to start ridiculously questioning their love for their children. One lady said, "Well, it's good that you adopted first because then you have nothing to compare it to." And another lady told me it wasn't possible to love an adopted child as much as "one of your own" because you didn't give birth to him and so are missing the surge or hormones when you deliver that help you love your baby. What? Are you kidding me? Where do people come up with this stuff?
No one, absolutely no one, can tell me I don't love my son as I would if he shared my genetics. This little guy has changed my life in a way I cannot even put into words. I have never experienced a love like this. My heart is so full of love for him I sometimes wonder if I can fit one more ounce in there without it bursting. So if you want to make me really angry and make my mommy claws come flying out, question the kind of love I have for my son and try and tell me that when a biological child comes along, I will love them more. It's not even possible.
Beyond this, it does not make sense for Christians to make these sort of comments (some of these comments have come from Christians). Jesus said that the greatest love is displayed when a friend sacrifices his life for another friend. This is love motivated by a love that is not biologically connected. Jesus said that this is the greatest love displayed! This has nothing to do with blood connection. For Christians, the statement "blood is thicker than water" referring to bio family over all others is actually opposed to the Gospel. Furthermore, a husband and wife can/should have a riduculously deep connection, and they SHOULD NOT be related by blood because that's disgusting and illegal. To assume that blood connection/child-birth creates a superior connection at best negates Jesus on the cross and at worst negates a supposed "Christian's" understanding of the cross.