It's been about an hour and a half since I've sat down and tried accomplishing some grad. school work, but I just can't.  I am extremely, extremely distracted and have been for days. The plight of the orphan plagues my thoughts, keeps me up at night, and disturbs those normal fuzzy holiday season feelings. I spent much of Thanksgiving thinking about Mekonen's birth parents, his story, their story, our story and I have such a hard time finding a place for it inside myself. It hurts too much to even go there. I find my thoughts going there and I instinctively pull back, desperately grabbing for anything to take the thought away, to make it all disappear. But it doesn't. I sat and cried for my son's birth parents today. I cried for my son today. I cried for all the kids waiting for families. I cried for those kids waiting, wondering if they will ever be "chosen."  
We are extremely convicted by the truth that the Gospel is tied to adoption. It is. You can't argue it. You can't debate it. You can't put it into the box of "God's will" or "not God's will." You just can't.

But while so many Christians sit around and chat about the common phrases of "God's will," "His timing," and the like, millions of children sit... and wait, and wait. Especially the older children, those children who are less likely to ever be welcomed into a family. Those children who are less likely to ever be "chosen." A friend of mine, Wendy, in our agency stated it perfectly after her court visit for her daughter in Ethiopia.
These kids are wonderful, sweet, caring, funny, helpful and the list goes on...but the thing they long to hear most is that they were "chosen".  Have you ever thought about the ones that continue to get left behind and how devastating it must be for them......time ....after time.... after time....to be the one NOT chosen??  This destroys their sense of self worth, slowly over time......what's wrong with me?.....why wasn't I the one that the family "picked"?  I must be not good enough to be loved by a Mom and a Dad, maybe that's why I'm here and not with my birth family.....
I am continually frustrated with the non-existent pedestal that some choose to place us on because "we adopted." We hear over and over how someone would love to adopt, and oh how wonderful it is that we gave a child a home and saying, "You guys are incredible." But we are not. We are not super heroes, we are not extra-ordinary people. We are not extra-spiritual, and we do not experience any more love and grace in our lives than the next Christian. We are surrounded by incredibly supportive and passionate family and friends who understand the joy of adoption. We simply just said "yes." That's it. It was that simple. God did not "make" Jon and me for adoption. He simply chose us first, and in His choosing, we said yes. 

Adoption can't be sought merely for compassion's sake or for a massive tug on your heart strings, or because you think it will be all rainbows and unicorns, because it's not. It's more than that. My mind replays the words "chosen,"  and being "bought with a price" in relation to Jesus choosing me!

It certainly wasn't convenient for Him- He left a perfect heaven where he was perfectly adored to come after me, to choose me. 
It certainly was costly- it cost Him everything! It cost Him His life. 
It certainly is difficult- I am sinful. I am stubborn. I often refuse His love. I often think I know better than Him. I often neglect His perfect and sovereign wisdom in my life. 
But still... he chose me and would choose me again in a heartbeat. I am His. I have been CHOSEN


Shelly said...

Amen!!!!!! We were on that court trip with Wendy... those children without families are on my mind constantly. We got the "waiting child" DVD and would love to simply choose them all! We are adopting our first child and we KNOW we will be back for some of those waiting, but my heart aches as I see how great the need is. My heart aches for the stigmas surrounding older child adoption and hiv+ adoption. I have been experiencing some of the same emotions as you... and also missing my son like I never thought possible. The two trip rule causes a heart ache that can be soothed by our Loving Father, but it really doesn't go away!

Freedom Hollow Farmgirl said...

Beautiful post. Really touched my heart ~ basically where we are in our adoption. We've had our homestudy visits, in the middle of the paper chase, and now my husband has put the brakes on. God isn't speaking to his heart about adoption...REALLY! OPEN YOUR BIBLE!

I hope you don't mind, but I've copied a portion of your blog post and put it on mine. It spoke volumes to me.


The Pastoor Family said...

Hi Rach....
All I have to say is AMEN. I love this post. I don't know why I've been so burdened lately, maybe because I just came back from Ethiopia, maybe it's because I miss my kids terribly, maybe it's because of how highly I think of those kids over there.....maybe it's because I love the beautiful people of Ethiopia....maybe because I'm missing Ethiopia.....maybe it's all of these reasons.

My heart is broken.

I see that you and I are in the same place right now and I'm thankful for the company =) What I am posting this morning goes perfectly with your post so I hope you don't mind if I borrow a bit and link back to you? I have something else that I'd like to talk to you about too....

Blessings on your day,

Julie said...

xoxo to my forever friend...